smoooooze

holy shit it's been along time since i've actually written anything in here.it's quite crazy.I've changed so much. i don'tthink i'm bitter anymore. I've realized i just don'tcare anyone. people have proven to me over and over again that they don't care and i don't matter to them, no matter how much they pretend otherwise. And i'm not dissapointede at all. its hard to be dissapointed when you never really had hope. as horrible as that sounds, why should i care. all people have done over and over have dissapointed me when i did have hope. so after awhile you just learn not to care. if you don't care,you can't get hurt.

I have fun doing things that i probably wouldn't go if i was still into that"scene" i mean i like how things are going for me right now. maybe one day i'llgo back, but right now i'm not seeing much. i sincerely doubt with all my heart and every morsil of my mind that when high school ends, that i willl ever see any of my "friends" again. i doubt i'll ever go to church, and since thats the case its quite evident that i won't receive a phone call from them, they've already proved that time and time again.$20 says they don't even remember my birthday. and whatever that's fine. it's too be expected.. all i gotta say is prove me wrong. i don't seeit happening.

i give myself more credit. i used to give god credit for things i've done... i'm sorry but what god spotted that a dog wasn't feeling well? um no? brent did, he told me and i took it to the vet. sorry. me. not god me. giving god credit for things he didn't do, that you did do, is confidence breaking. gosh take some credit for your good work, when you get a good job, say thanks. bask in your own glory fuck, if you deserve it, you deserve it. i've worked hard, and because of MY hard work i've got success.

yesturday at youth people talked about how they can get angry with god, and not understand why he didn't help someone,or he took someone away.. he dind't take or save anyone... that cancer patient lived beecause they got the medicine and their body reacted to it like it was spposed to...that person died in the car crash cus they ran the red light, or cus that person was a moron and drank and drove. it happens. people die and people live and life goes one. and we deal. you keep on trucking and you keep on living cus thats the way life works. i'm sorry
but people miss out on so much because they're praying or trying to be pleasing to some god that may or may not exist, when they could be having fun, frick go dance go have fun, go listen to some music that doesn't praise god, holy shit did i break you're little bubble?
now you little christians go ahead, tell me i'm going to hell, but you know what? i'll cya there cus you're all a bunch of hipprocrates. wheather it be lying, or swearing or whatever it may be.

I was watching tv and a preview for the omen came on, soi checked out the site and looked at it and it tlaked about the visas and microchips howthat'll be the sign of the beast and shit, and i'm sorry but i think people take that whole theory way to literally i don't think that if there is a rupture and revaltions that if theres a sign of the beast it'll be so literal.maybe it's a metaphorical sign ya know? i think people take way too much stuff in the bible literally... jeeze people! thats all for now. what a long one eh? welcome back lauren!