all arounnd great- so why do i feel like shit

So i had an amazing summer. It was pretty much the best, not gonna lie. I left august 1st and went to indy until the 8th. I had so much fun. Robbie picked me up at the airport, i stayed at his house and it was pretty much just a week of me hanging out with him. It was lovley. it wasn't like we hadn't seen eachother in 2 years, it was just like, hey whats up. i miss him, wow. I came back to work to find out i am goiing to be head kennel tech coming up. so that's pretty sweet. So everything is wonderufl, my summer has been wonderful, so here's me wondering why exactly I feel like crap. I'm still struggling about believes, visiting robbie and going to his church but me back towards the christian side, but at the same time i'm still battling myself towards the anti. but i did go to church sunday. I don't know it's weird. I also have been thinking about being a spit (sponser in training) for my old youth group, like suddenly I have this thought in my head, kinda how it happened when i was a camp councellor. So i emailed josh asking 1) what was involved in being a spit 2) how one becomes a spit. I honestly wouldn't be surprisedif he flat out told me no though, just because of the conversations i've had with him in the past. i guess we'll so though i'll keep you posted