Well I don't even recall the last time I updated this thing. I don't know, i just kind of have to get into the mood to write and to be honest i'm still not in the mood to write but I figured why the heck not.
Basically a lot has changed. I moved out on my own on May 1st and I am LOVING not living with my parents anymore. There's something about being independant that is far to exciting even though it's a tad terrifiying at the same time... and yet the exciting out weighs the terrifying. Yes I have bills to pay, and I have to feed and take care of myself, but I'm loving every moment of it. Sometimes it feels like vacation, like any minute I'm going to have to go home and live with my parents again.. and i hope that doesn't happen. I don't think after living on my own I could go back to living with my parents again.
My friend from Heather is planning on being my roommate which is awesome because 1) I can see us getting along and her helping me stay positive and happy..2) financial break! only pay half the rent! Things are looking up in that department.
Like I siad I'm not really in the mood to type.
All I'm gonna leave you with is...
Erin, Josh and Becky are all leaving winnipeg and that makes me sad.
Robbie has his baby and that makes me happy.
The new school year is going to be interesting.
I'm going to camp ass for 2 weeks and that excites me.
I am now 21, and Don't feel any different.
I'm bored out of my mind.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Just because I suck at blogging
To be honest I'm not really in the mood to blog right now but I figure I've got to give some sort of update as too how things are going.
I'm all moved in and absolutely loving living on me own. Money is super tight right now but I think I can handle it. Its only for a few months anyways.
I got my confirmation that I will be indeed be working at camp assinaboia for two weeks and I'm SUPER excited about that. I love the kitchen.
Things are good.
I'm all moved in and absolutely loving living on me own. Money is super tight right now but I think I can handle it. Its only for a few months anyways.
I got my confirmation that I will be indeed be working at camp assinaboia for two weeks and I'm SUPER excited about that. I love the kitchen.
Things are good.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday is a coming...
Things have been going well. As always it's been a long time since I last posted and as always alot as happened.
When Sam died I decided that I had to move out soon and made a goal to save enough money for September to move out. I also heard that a girl from Saskatchewan that I know from camp and retreats and all that joy was planning on moving here and had no idea where she was going to stay. This seemed like the perfect opportunity for both of us to get what we needed. I needed a roommate and she needed a place to live. So we talked and she seems pretty psyched on the idea.
Things progressed, soon I had everything I needed, kitchen stuff, bathroom stuff, furniture and was on waiting lists for a few places I wanted to live. Then I got a message from a woman in my church who owns an apartment building and has an opening for May first. I went with my parents to look at the place and I decided to jump on it. So in May I will be moving into my very own place. I'm sooo excited. It's a 2 bedroom for only 685 and it's a really big size. I'm going to live there on my own until my friend comes here, which it's looking like she may come late august now instead. I'm just soo excited and hoping that it all works out.
Summer shut down is coming up and I decided I'm going to apply with camps with meaning and see if I can work at Camp Assinaboia for the two weeks because I miss it SO much. I figure I can't go to staff training and I don't really want to counsel so this is my opportunity to serve God in my own way. Plus everyone will be gone for the missions trip and so it's great timing.
Other than that work is good and life is all together good. I am so thankful to God for what he is doing and I'm praying everything keeps working out.
When Sam died I decided that I had to move out soon and made a goal to save enough money for September to move out. I also heard that a girl from Saskatchewan that I know from camp and retreats and all that joy was planning on moving here and had no idea where she was going to stay. This seemed like the perfect opportunity for both of us to get what we needed. I needed a roommate and she needed a place to live. So we talked and she seems pretty psyched on the idea.
Things progressed, soon I had everything I needed, kitchen stuff, bathroom stuff, furniture and was on waiting lists for a few places I wanted to live. Then I got a message from a woman in my church who owns an apartment building and has an opening for May first. I went with my parents to look at the place and I decided to jump on it. So in May I will be moving into my very own place. I'm sooo excited. It's a 2 bedroom for only 685 and it's a really big size. I'm going to live there on my own until my friend comes here, which it's looking like she may come late august now instead. I'm just soo excited and hoping that it all works out.
Summer shut down is coming up and I decided I'm going to apply with camps with meaning and see if I can work at Camp Assinaboia for the two weeks because I miss it SO much. I figure I can't go to staff training and I don't really want to counsel so this is my opportunity to serve God in my own way. Plus everyone will be gone for the missions trip and so it's great timing.
Other than that work is good and life is all together good. I am so thankful to God for what he is doing and I'm praying everything keeps working out.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Be more clear!
So I hung out with one of my friends from high school, and of course it was the one that I had the crush on. So anyways I asked him to go to my brother's show with me and my other brother. Then after we went to tim horton's until about 2 oclock in the morning.
So basically, thing that happened:
-he got out of the car when he picked me up to hug me
-held every door open for me
and payed for the tims
so now after that I'm wondering if it was a date and i'm thinking a screwed it up.
I hate over thinking.
So basically, thing that happened:
-he got out of the car when he picked me up to hug me
-held every door open for me
and payed for the tims
so now after that I'm wondering if it was a date and i'm thinking a screwed it up.
I hate over thinking.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
burnout memories
I just finished watching my new favorite show. I don't even know how i discovered it but suddenly its like my new favorite show. It's called freaks and geeks and its deffinitely one of those shows that got cancelled but shouldn't have because it's AMAZING. The stories basically revolves around two groups of people the geeks: Sam, Bill and Neal and the freaks: Lindsay, Ken, Nick, Daniel and Kim. Lindsay is Sam's older sister and she was queen of the mathletes and part of, i guess, geekier group until her grandmother died and she decided she needed to find something different. She kind of difted from her Christian friend Millie and the other brains and started to hang out with the burnouts.
The relationships in this group are just dazzling it me, well not dazzling but the friendships are just so unconditional. One minute they're in a fight about a compeltely logical thing and then they forget about it because it's just not worth it to them.
Basically this reminds me of my grade 12 year. I left my normal crowd, or they left me, I'm still not completely sure on that one, and I started hanging out with a group of friends that was quite different. I'm not syaing they were burnouts.... well i'm sure they did do drugs but they welcomed me with open arms for no apparent reason. They let me eat with them and talk to them and hang out with them at spare.They were genuinely kind to me.
So tonight after I finished the last episode of the season I started thinking about these people were were so kind to me. I went looking through my year books and my grad pictures and not nostalgic
So basically this is me saying I miss them alot and hope I can see or talk to them soon!
The relationships in this group are just dazzling it me, well not dazzling but the friendships are just so unconditional. One minute they're in a fight about a compeltely logical thing and then they forget about it because it's just not worth it to them.
Basically this reminds me of my grade 12 year. I left my normal crowd, or they left me, I'm still not completely sure on that one, and I started hanging out with a group of friends that was quite different. I'm not syaing they were burnouts.... well i'm sure they did do drugs but they welcomed me with open arms for no apparent reason. They let me eat with them and talk to them and hang out with them at spare.They were genuinely kind to me.
So tonight after I finished the last episode of the season I started thinking about these people were were so kind to me. I went looking through my year books and my grad pictures and not nostalgic
So basically this is me saying I miss them alot and hope I can see or talk to them soon!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
25 random things
1. I sometimes sing to myself when i'm in the dark so i'm not afraid
2. I almost always prefere to watch the movie apposed to reading the book...the one exception is twilight
3. Even though i probably will see the movie i will beg you to tell me what happens because I want to know what to expect
4. I often don't like people in my bubble. it takes a very long time between when i meet you to when i'll hug you. I barely like sitting on the couch next to my eldest brother.
5. the only harry potter book i read was number 7, i watched movies 1-5 and spark notesed number 6
6. i despise people who think they're better than everyone else, ex: pretty boy, he's a guy that works for extreme dream ministries and when he looks at you he makes you feel inadequate to feel alive
7. I pretend to not think my dad's jokes are funny but sometimes they're so ridiculous that they're halerious and i can't help but laugh
8. I haven't played soccer in 12 years and i'm terrible at it, but i'm still playing.
9. I don't have a specific favorite movie..when ever I see a new one it becomes my favorite...that goes for books as well
10. sometimes I slow down just before a yellow light then bolt through just so the person behind me can't go too, i've also raced a guy who was in the merger lane, i dind't let him in...he had to slow down.. i won!
11. I pretend to know that i have it all figured out... really i don't
12. If i could afford it i would tatto my entire legs and arms, i'm currently trying to think of ideas for sleeves
13. I sometimes think i'm going to die the old lady with the cats.. only i hate cats so it will either be dogs or ferrets
14. if i'm sleeping at home...expecially alone, i have to sleep with my tv on.
15. I am a closet case of ocd. i like things a certain way and if its not like that my heart crushes
16. I take insulting jokes really personally, its because of years of being bullied
17. when i'm over tired I'm halerious... atleast i think so
18. If it wasn't frowned apon to pick your nose, i would do it, because sometimes there's an itch and you need to pick it...i'm also unashamed of picking wedgies...espcially at soccer
19. I cheer everytime I see the gas price go down
20.i have been told that i walk funny but apparently look good doing it
21. about 100 americans think i'm related to robert goulet
22. I miss playing hockey with all of my being
23. I suck at wrapping presents, especially when it comes to corners.
24. I can go entire week without showering before I even begin to get greasy, at no point do i smell bad in that time frame.. i want to see how long i can go without washing my hair and see if that thing about your hair washing it's self is actually true.
25. i enjoy the smell of sharpies and ddry erase markers, they're right above paint in my top ten favorite smells
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Hold on...
So things have deffinitely gotten better since the last time I posted. I don't even know how though. It's like somehow I snapped out of this state. I mean every now and then I have my days where I just don't want to go to work or anywhere else, but that happened even before. So I don't know how but I just held on for the life of me.
I kept going to youth and Selah and kept crying out to feel better. I lost my anger and now there's just a smidge of sadness, which is better in my mind.
I don't know all I can say is that when times are tough hold on.
Being angry is far too tiring.
I kept going to youth and Selah and kept crying out to feel better. I lost my anger and now there's just a smidge of sadness, which is better in my mind.
I don't know all I can say is that when times are tough hold on.
Being angry is far too tiring.
Friday, January 16, 2009
why wake up?
Lately I've been thinking about my life. What I want, how I feel, and I feel completely lost at this particular point in time. The source of my joy and contentment is gone, and it's not like it just got up and left me. That I could deal with, I could deal with something leaving me. It'd be happy, it'd be living a life that it wanted rather than a life I chose for it. But this thing, my happiness, it wanted to be with me. Even in his last moments he wanted to come cuddle in my lap with me as he gasped for breath. He wanted to stay with me. Instead he got ripped away from me and never got the chance to stay. Maybe I think it wouldn't hurt me if he left because I knew he never would. My family and I, we were his life. He loved us. We gave him the best life we could and it was a good life. He was doing great too.
My brother's friend's dad (wordy eh?) died a while backand the family spoke of how he did things as if he knew sub consciously that he was going to die. And looking back did I do the same? My mom didn't want to get another picture of santa and Sam and Kirby. Yet I insisted on taking just Sam and that me and him would have a picture of Santa of us TOGETHER... our last picture of me and him together. Did I know sub consciously that he would't be here anymore? Was the yearning for a picture of us together a sign? But wait, I'm 99.9 % sure that he got sick because of the picture. That the place I took him was contaminated and it's the reason I lost him in the long run... Did I CAUSE this? I mean if I hadn't had the selfish urge to have a picture of us together, he might not have ever gotten sick and he'd still be in my arms now as we speak. Did my selfishness hand him the death sentence? This thought plagues me now as I type. If thats the case? How can I possibly have any joy in my self? If I caused this whats stopping me from hating myself.
Sometimes I think about what I have and what I do, and I think, why? I have a job but why do I bother getting up in the morning? Why not just quit it and be poor and a hermit. Right now I have the thought that maybe I'll just lie in bed and wait for this nightmare to end so I can get back to my life. But how long will that take? And yet I yearn for human interaction. Some how in their eyes and see joy and it feeds me, and it makes me feel better. Meanwhile I wonder, did I suck the life out of the room?Am I act so miserable, am I so obvious of needing their joy that I end up sucking out their joy altogether? Do they deserve that? Absolutely not. So what do I do? Do I sulk in my room and sink into a black whole, all the while yearning for their love, their conversations? Or do I get up and out everyday and hang around them and risk killing their spirits? Is it selfish for me to take the second one? I mean truly I long so much more for interaction that it is a source of happiness. I'd like to hope that I seem a little bit happier everyday but maybe I'm way of the mark? Maybe they see me everyday and think "poor her." Screw that, pitty and help are different things, spare me your pitty and just talk to me like you did before I fell into this.
And then I think of my faith. I am So incredibly angry at God right now. I've tried praying it away, I've had a friend pray over me, but right now I'm hurt and confused, and yet all I can do is cry out to him in worship. "Let the pain and the sorrows, be washed away, in the waves of his mercy, as deep cries unto deep. Come, Lord Jesus,come." I know he can take them away and I yearn and hope that he will. I turn this sorrow completely over to him and yet it lingers. So I guess this healing thing isn't going to happen in my time and that God is going to take it and fix it in his. I know thats the way he works and I know it's for the best, it is God after all. I guess it just sucks that in the meantime I have to feel like this.
My brother's friend's dad (wordy eh?) died a while backand the family spoke of how he did things as if he knew sub consciously that he was going to die. And looking back did I do the same? My mom didn't want to get another picture of santa and Sam and Kirby. Yet I insisted on taking just Sam and that me and him would have a picture of Santa of us TOGETHER... our last picture of me and him together. Did I know sub consciously that he would't be here anymore? Was the yearning for a picture of us together a sign? But wait, I'm 99.9 % sure that he got sick because of the picture. That the place I took him was contaminated and it's the reason I lost him in the long run... Did I CAUSE this? I mean if I hadn't had the selfish urge to have a picture of us together, he might not have ever gotten sick and he'd still be in my arms now as we speak. Did my selfishness hand him the death sentence? This thought plagues me now as I type. If thats the case? How can I possibly have any joy in my self? If I caused this whats stopping me from hating myself.
Sometimes I think about what I have and what I do, and I think, why? I have a job but why do I bother getting up in the morning? Why not just quit it and be poor and a hermit. Right now I have the thought that maybe I'll just lie in bed and wait for this nightmare to end so I can get back to my life. But how long will that take? And yet I yearn for human interaction. Some how in their eyes and see joy and it feeds me, and it makes me feel better. Meanwhile I wonder, did I suck the life out of the room?Am I act so miserable, am I so obvious of needing their joy that I end up sucking out their joy altogether? Do they deserve that? Absolutely not. So what do I do? Do I sulk in my room and sink into a black whole, all the while yearning for their love, their conversations? Or do I get up and out everyday and hang around them and risk killing their spirits? Is it selfish for me to take the second one? I mean truly I long so much more for interaction that it is a source of happiness. I'd like to hope that I seem a little bit happier everyday but maybe I'm way of the mark? Maybe they see me everyday and think "poor her." Screw that, pitty and help are different things, spare me your pitty and just talk to me like you did before I fell into this.
And then I think of my faith. I am So incredibly angry at God right now. I've tried praying it away, I've had a friend pray over me, but right now I'm hurt and confused, and yet all I can do is cry out to him in worship. "Let the pain and the sorrows, be washed away, in the waves of his mercy, as deep cries unto deep. Come, Lord Jesus,come." I know he can take them away and I yearn and hope that he will. I turn this sorrow completely over to him and yet it lingers. So I guess this healing thing isn't going to happen in my time and that God is going to take it and fix it in his. I know thats the way he works and I know it's for the best, it is God after all. I guess it just sucks that in the meantime I have to feel like this.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Worst new years of my life
June of last year I rescued a beautiful Golden retriever who I named Sampson. Sampson was my baby. We went to the offleash park everyday, he loved car rides, he slept in my room he cuddled and played with me, he was my best friend. He also had a grade 5 heart murmur which is pretty serious, the worst grade it can be is a grade 6. Sam was doing great, his heart never bothered him.
On December 23 Sam began having bad diareah with blood in it, so I took him to the vet where they told me his had giardia.. no biggie it's fixable right? I never would have thought what would happen next.
After a few days of treating Sam for giardia we noticed his breathing had become laboured and every breath he took seemed to be difficult for him. So on December 30 we took him t othe vet where they told us he had some sort of infection, ulsers in his stomache and some fluid in his lungs. Me and my mom made sure to elaborate that this had absolutely nothing to do with his heart.. we asked the vet over and over again.. he reassured us over and over again that it had nothing t odo with his heart, so they gave him a shot to "drain the fluid" some medicine for his "ulsers and infection" the day seemed to go a little bit better, his breathing wasn't quite as bad, until right before he went to bed, it began to get worse again. For whatever reason Sam decided to go get a drink of water from his bowl, which is very odd because during the winter he doens't drink from his bowl he eats the snow outside. So i heard him drink and drink until I heard him vomit. I got up to look and saw he had thrown up all the water had had drank and some blood. I began to worry more and more. My mom stayed up with him during the night until about 5 when he began having open mouth breathing, I had gotten up to take some t3s because i just got my wisdom teeth out to hear my mom on the phone with the emergency vet clinic. My mom had called because Sam went outside and just layed in the snow. I went with my mom to make sure I got to say good bye. I knew he didn't have very long. We got in the car and I listened to him breathing and then began the extremely disturbing sounds he made as the oxygen left his lungs. Within a couple minutes of being in the car, Sam layed down for one last time and then he was gone. I started crying excessively. I couldn't believe it. A year and a half wasn't long enough. We got to the vet and had to take Sam out of the car. i began to lift him, but couldn't hold on because all the blood/fluid in his lungs began to poor out. The nurse who was very sweet took him into the other room and we got to say our goodbyes and then we left him there.
The vet nurse was sure to warn us to stop using out vet for our other dog Kirby, she says that they've seen lots of his patients and he wasn't good. I want to scream at him, I want him to feel that hurting i felt. He assured us it had nothing to do with his heart, he would be fine.. he wasn't. Instead I had to see my dog die in my own arms and I have to have this new year begin without my best friend.
On December 23 Sam began having bad diareah with blood in it, so I took him to the vet where they told me his had giardia.. no biggie it's fixable right? I never would have thought what would happen next.
After a few days of treating Sam for giardia we noticed his breathing had become laboured and every breath he took seemed to be difficult for him. So on December 30 we took him t othe vet where they told us he had some sort of infection, ulsers in his stomache and some fluid in his lungs. Me and my mom made sure to elaborate that this had absolutely nothing to do with his heart.. we asked the vet over and over again.. he reassured us over and over again that it had nothing t odo with his heart, so they gave him a shot to "drain the fluid" some medicine for his "ulsers and infection" the day seemed to go a little bit better, his breathing wasn't quite as bad, until right before he went to bed, it began to get worse again. For whatever reason Sam decided to go get a drink of water from his bowl, which is very odd because during the winter he doens't drink from his bowl he eats the snow outside. So i heard him drink and drink until I heard him vomit. I got up to look and saw he had thrown up all the water had had drank and some blood. I began to worry more and more. My mom stayed up with him during the night until about 5 when he began having open mouth breathing, I had gotten up to take some t3s because i just got my wisdom teeth out to hear my mom on the phone with the emergency vet clinic. My mom had called because Sam went outside and just layed in the snow. I went with my mom to make sure I got to say good bye. I knew he didn't have very long. We got in the car and I listened to him breathing and then began the extremely disturbing sounds he made as the oxygen left his lungs. Within a couple minutes of being in the car, Sam layed down for one last time and then he was gone. I started crying excessively. I couldn't believe it. A year and a half wasn't long enough. We got to the vet and had to take Sam out of the car. i began to lift him, but couldn't hold on because all the blood/fluid in his lungs began to poor out. The nurse who was very sweet took him into the other room and we got to say our goodbyes and then we left him there.
The vet nurse was sure to warn us to stop using out vet for our other dog Kirby, she says that they've seen lots of his patients and he wasn't good. I want to scream at him, I want him to feel that hurting i felt. He assured us it had nothing to do with his heart, he would be fine.. he wasn't. Instead I had to see my dog die in my own arms and I have to have this new year begin without my best friend.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
6 months later...
Wow it's been six months since i even remembered that I had this thing to write anything. Things have been iffy lately. I dont even know what to say.
So basically, I had the most amazing summer ever. First on june 29th... my birthday.. i went to echolake bible camp for a week. Then I came home for a whole week and then was off to Indianapolis for three weeks. AMAZING! Not only did I get to serve God and see Robbie and Nick, but I also got to meet some amazing people. Including the people I worked with, Sarah, Julie, Ebert and Sarah's mom. It was absolutely amazing and I completely miss them.
Hmm what else has been happening. Well I've been pretty fustrated lately.Just with my spiritual life and my lifein general.
On October 4 I started a new job with St Amant. Basically I work with 2 boys, one 4 and one 5 who have autism. I work with one of them in the morning and one in the afternoon and as of right now I'm super stressed out. I'm still technically employed by petland, which is sweet for the discounts, but basically I told them I won't be working any shifts until my Christmas break around December 19.
Ha! Oh yeah while I was on my trip I got a tattoo on my weekend off. I love it and I'm going for my second ink on Nov 15 which is about 5 days away. So excited.
Since I last typed we also had two elections. One Canadian and one American. For us Canadians the outcome is still the same, we're still a conservative minority government. For the Americans on the other hand, the outcome was incredible. The United States made history on Nov 4 by electing their first ever black president. It's funny how racial the election became. But I mean if you're really going to make that an issue in the whole thing. He is half and half. I mean he
s got some white in there too. It still amazes me though how completely for or against a candidate they are. Either you love one and hate the other or you love the other one and hate the other. It's amazing. I've heard people threaten to move to Canada if so and so was elected. We'll see who follows through with that threat of course.
I'm still completely and utterly single and praying for God to send me someone to love and to love me. I keep hearing this background voice who says I need to find my worth in God first. I know that's true but it's still completely and utterly fustrating. It seems every where I look around people I graduated with and maybe one year older are getting married and having babies. I mean I don't want it because I'm "jealous", I've always wanted that more myself, but lately seeing all this just makes it that much harder. I just want someone to love me and hold me and encourage me and hold me accountable, both to him and God. I know God has someone waiting for me and I need to have patience, and I am putting myself out there, I just have to wait and honestly I'm discouraged.
I've started working out at the gym. Lately I go once a week with a trainer who I know from highschool that pushes me to the extreme. I love it, I feel great about it and I'm losing weight from it. Losing weight is also helped by the fact that I'm also playing on a womens soccer team. I'm so bad because I haven't played organized soccer since grade three, but I love it. It's actually so fun, even though I virtually want to lay down and die after a game. So tired but happy. I'm also coaching a co-ed team for fun which it is! So far I haven't necessarily lost weight because muscle weighs more than weight but my belly has shrunk and I overall have more energy.
I don't think there's much else so share so I'm going to go to bed because I have to work tomorrow!
So basically, I had the most amazing summer ever. First on june 29th... my birthday.. i went to echolake bible camp for a week. Then I came home for a whole week and then was off to Indianapolis for three weeks. AMAZING! Not only did I get to serve God and see Robbie and Nick, but I also got to meet some amazing people. Including the people I worked with, Sarah, Julie, Ebert and Sarah's mom. It was absolutely amazing and I completely miss them.
Hmm what else has been happening. Well I've been pretty fustrated lately.Just with my spiritual life and my lifein general.
On October 4 I started a new job with St Amant. Basically I work with 2 boys, one 4 and one 5 who have autism. I work with one of them in the morning and one in the afternoon and as of right now I'm super stressed out. I'm still technically employed by petland, which is sweet for the discounts, but basically I told them I won't be working any shifts until my Christmas break around December 19.
Ha! Oh yeah while I was on my trip I got a tattoo on my weekend off. I love it and I'm going for my second ink on Nov 15 which is about 5 days away. So excited.
Since I last typed we also had two elections. One Canadian and one American. For us Canadians the outcome is still the same, we're still a conservative minority government. For the Americans on the other hand, the outcome was incredible. The United States made history on Nov 4 by electing their first ever black president. It's funny how racial the election became. But I mean if you're really going to make that an issue in the whole thing. He is half and half. I mean he
s got some white in there too. It still amazes me though how completely for or against a candidate they are. Either you love one and hate the other or you love the other one and hate the other. It's amazing. I've heard people threaten to move to Canada if so and so was elected. We'll see who follows through with that threat of course.
I'm still completely and utterly single and praying for God to send me someone to love and to love me. I keep hearing this background voice who says I need to find my worth in God first. I know that's true but it's still completely and utterly fustrating. It seems every where I look around people I graduated with and maybe one year older are getting married and having babies. I mean I don't want it because I'm "jealous", I've always wanted that more myself, but lately seeing all this just makes it that much harder. I just want someone to love me and hold me and encourage me and hold me accountable, both to him and God. I know God has someone waiting for me and I need to have patience, and I am putting myself out there, I just have to wait and honestly I'm discouraged.
I've started working out at the gym. Lately I go once a week with a trainer who I know from highschool that pushes me to the extreme. I love it, I feel great about it and I'm losing weight from it. Losing weight is also helped by the fact that I'm also playing on a womens soccer team. I'm so bad because I haven't played organized soccer since grade three, but I love it. It's actually so fun, even though I virtually want to lay down and die after a game. So tired but happy. I'm also coaching a co-ed team for fun which it is! So far I haven't necessarily lost weight because muscle weighs more than weight but my belly has shrunk and I overall have more energy.
I don't think there's much else so share so I'm going to go to bed because I have to work tomorrow!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
pretty bored...
So I'm not very good at keeping this thing lively and update, but thats okay cus no one actually ever reads this so I'm pretty much just talking to myself.
There's not a whole lot new. my laptop kicked the bucket and it was not worth the money I would have had to spent to get it fixed so I am writing from a brand spanking new desktop computer that I bought from best buy for SUPER cheap.
Hmm what else?
Tomorrow me and mommy are leaving for the weekend for a weekend extravaganza of shopping and chilling in the big city of Grandforks, North Dakota!!!! I'm actually uber exciting cus it'll be like a little mini vacation before my big one ya know.
Next wekend (May2-4) is YCMB so that'll be fun too. I'll be volunteering there again! YAY!
Then it's just 78 more days until I make my way to INdy for a summer full of sevice and Jesus and great times! I'm exciting and cannot wait!!
There's not a whole lot new. my laptop kicked the bucket and it was not worth the money I would have had to spent to get it fixed so I am writing from a brand spanking new desktop computer that I bought from best buy for SUPER cheap.
Hmm what else?
Tomorrow me and mommy are leaving for the weekend for a weekend extravaganza of shopping and chilling in the big city of Grandforks, North Dakota!!!! I'm actually uber exciting cus it'll be like a little mini vacation before my big one ya know.
Next wekend (May2-4) is YCMB so that'll be fun too. I'll be volunteering there again! YAY!
Then it's just 78 more days until I make my way to INdy for a summer full of sevice and Jesus and great times! I'm exciting and cannot wait!!
Friday, April 04, 2008
worst blogger ever
Ok! Ok! I know I'm a horrible horrible blogger for just putting up surveys recently. I haven't felt like writing much lately. But as of right now I kind of half feel like writing. We'll see how much I feel like spitting out.
So I'm sure I mentioned that I have officially been accepted to workcamps to spend three weeks in Indianapolis. I'm super excited. I've booked my flight, payed for my hotel for the 5 days after and everything. I'm pretty excited because I'm gonna have that completely payed off in less than a week I bet. Well maybe a little bit more. But with my somewhat decent income and the incredible income tax return that I'm getting back from the government as well as my birthday coming up, this trip is going to be more than affordable. Thank God for his goodness!!
I'm also working on getting on the sublist for the river east school division. I just have to go and take WEVAS which I'm doing in the next couple weeks. So things are going pretty good..
So how come when things are going so great I feel like I have to escape! I feel like I need to get out of here. Just completely get away!!Its amazing how much I can love God and see how much he's providing for me and hate myself at the same time. Is that even possible?
I decided that during my trip, I'm going to take my laptop with me and send emails to anyone that wants to hear about my experiences at workcamps, which i doubt is many at all...But anyways since I am bringing my laptop I don't feel much like bringing my cds as well, that's just one more thing that something can happen to. So instead I decided to actually use Itunes..... It's only been sitting on my computer for I don't even know how long.. right? So I started importing all my cds into my itunes... so far I've done 21 cds. I'm not gonna lie.. it takes a pretty long time for them all to be imported. But I figure why not. I can listen to them as much as I want. Plus I'm hoping to get an ipod for the plane ride but I won't be greedy about that. Maybe I'll get one when me and my mom go to Grand Forks for the weekend. I'm deeply looking forward to that.
Anyways I hope thats a satisfactory post..I would write more but this is a somewhat public blog and is open to everyone including some people that I don't want reading about my disheartening feeling in my chest and my discouragement.. I should deal with it... I just don't feel like it..
Not that anyone reads this anyways.
So I'm sure I mentioned that I have officially been accepted to workcamps to spend three weeks in Indianapolis. I'm super excited. I've booked my flight, payed for my hotel for the 5 days after and everything. I'm pretty excited because I'm gonna have that completely payed off in less than a week I bet. Well maybe a little bit more. But with my somewhat decent income and the incredible income tax return that I'm getting back from the government as well as my birthday coming up, this trip is going to be more than affordable. Thank God for his goodness!!
I'm also working on getting on the sublist for the river east school division. I just have to go and take WEVAS which I'm doing in the next couple weeks. So things are going pretty good..
So how come when things are going so great I feel like I have to escape! I feel like I need to get out of here. Just completely get away!!Its amazing how much I can love God and see how much he's providing for me and hate myself at the same time. Is that even possible?
I decided that during my trip, I'm going to take my laptop with me and send emails to anyone that wants to hear about my experiences at workcamps, which i doubt is many at all...But anyways since I am bringing my laptop I don't feel much like bringing my cds as well, that's just one more thing that something can happen to. So instead I decided to actually use Itunes..... It's only been sitting on my computer for I don't even know how long.. right? So I started importing all my cds into my itunes... so far I've done 21 cds. I'm not gonna lie.. it takes a pretty long time for them all to be imported. But I figure why not. I can listen to them as much as I want. Plus I'm hoping to get an ipod for the plane ride but I won't be greedy about that. Maybe I'll get one when me and my mom go to Grand Forks for the weekend. I'm deeply looking forward to that.
Anyways I hope thats a satisfactory post..I would write more but this is a somewhat public blog and is open to everyone including some people that I don't want reading about my disheartening feeling in my chest and my discouragement.. I should deal with it... I just don't feel like it..
Not that anyone reads this anyways.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
bullet #3
1. Would you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your boyfriend/Girlfriend?
yes.. but just because i forgive doesn't mean i have to continue being their friend
2. Where were you on your 16th birthday??
ummm.. i can't recall
3. Have you ever seen a live bat?
yup, they are creepy little buggers.
4. Is there anyone you hate?
hate? no... dislike. yes.
5. Are you single?
yes
6. Do you like the color orange?
depends.
7. Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
i always forgive, it's hard but oh well
8. Would you rather not eat or not sleep?
not eat. i love my sleep
9. Have you ever seen a real redneck?
any day i work at petland
10. Do you like tattoos and piercings?
i love them both
11. What size shoes do you wear?
9 depending on the make
12. What's your favorite season?
summer
13. Do you care if people talk smack about you?
yeah it hurts me
14. Do you like someone?
yes.
14. How much are you on the phone?
not much
15. Your name?
lauren
16. Are you in a good mood?
haha why yes i am.
7. Do you think people will exist forever?
nope
18. What is your sign?
cancer
19. Do you believe in luck?
i believe in blessings
20. Would you rather sky dive or bungee jump?
i want to do both. you got to have some thrill in your life.
21. Do you like snakes?
depends on the snake
22. Where is one place that you'd like to visit?
italy.
23. Do you like waffles?
of course.
24. Anything you're looking forward to?
yes alot of things. i hope it just doesn't go all wrong.
25. How long have you liked the person you like for?
hmmmmmmm... awhile
26. Does the number 23 have any significance to you?
well you see.......no
27. Be honest, do you like people in general?
to be honeset...no
28. Big or small dogs?
both
29. Do you like Big Macs?
no i don't
30. Did someone bother you today?
haha yes..
31. What do you think about death?
im just scared in general
32. Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
nope, i love being me.
33. Does someone love you?
no
35. Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a R?
nope
36. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
no
37. Got any nicknames?
yes, and im not even gonna start.
38. What color is your hair?
red
39. Do you like Starbucks?
looove it
40. Are you named after anyone?
i dunno they picked it out of a book
41. Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass or fail?
pass
42. Are you taller than 5'6"?
yes
43. Do you like the color blue?
its a favorite
44. How are you?
im really good.
5. Who was the last person to send you an IM?
can't remember
46. Last restaurant you went to?
boston pizza
48. Last voice mail you received?
i think it was from work
50. What would you do if you won five million dollars?
buy my own house, and travel. give to the family. etc/
52. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend?
alot of them.
53. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
haha no
54. What clothes are you wearing?
tank top, jeans
55. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
of course, i love road trips
56. Have you cried today?
nope, but the day is still young
57. Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
i'd like to think so
59. Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
not really but at the same time yes, cause your so called best friend might kno alot more about you than a friend would i guess there is a difference.
60. Do you miss anyone?
i do
61. Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone?
yea.
62. When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
friday?
63. What are your plans for tomorrow?
working
64. Can you touch your toes?
yes.
65. Do you know anybody who was abused?
yes
66. Is silence really golden?
no
67. Do you have any interesting tattoos/piercings?
no, i'm working on it
68. Are you afraid to grow up?
nope
69. Who were you with last night?
work
70. Can you count past 100?
uh yea. im not a retard.
71. What language are you taking?
none
72. Any upcoming vacations?
if july is upcoming than yes
73. If you had to marry someone on your top, who would it be?
hmmm.. no idea...
74. Do you care what people think of you?
i shouldn't but i do
75. Would you call yourself smart?
yes i would like to think so.
76. Do you like to read?
yes love it
77. Do you own a pair of Nike's?
not currently
78. Have you ever touched an elephant?
yes
79. What are you listening to?
a movie.
80. Is anything wrong?
nope nothing.
81. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
sure would
82. Where is three?
wtf thats stupid.
83. Do you want to go to college?
i just finished
84. Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)?
yea sometimes.
85. What did you do for your last birthday?
ate cake in my kitchen with some americans and a couple friends
86. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping
87. Name something you CANNOT wait for?
july 13
88. What's your favorite season?
k this is seriously repeating
89. Have you ever talked to Tom?
haha no
90. Last thing you drank/ate?
perogies
91. Have you ever ran with scissors?
o probably
92. Do you like peanut butter?
yes, i do.
93. Who’s making you feel the way you are right now?
myself?
94. Most visited web page?
facebook, gosh how i hate it. but love it.
95. Coke or Pepsi?
coke
96. Looking forward to something this weekend?
nope
97. How many siblings do you have?
2
98. Do you have any pets?
2dogs.
99. What's your favorite number?
9 or 4
100. What are you watching now?
muppets do manhattan
101. Do you know how to swim?
o yes. of course, i love it.
102. Is good grammar attractive?
yes haha..
103. Are you jealous of one or more of your friends?
yes
104. Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
nope
105. Are any of your friends taller than you?
not many of them
106. Have you ever been ditched by a friend?
haha who hasn't.
107. Where do your friends live?
most in winipeg some in usa
108. Have you lost or forgotten a friends phone number?
thats what a contact list is for
111. Needles aren't so horrible?
agreed
112. You have plenty of secrets?
i keep alot of secrets yes, but i personally don't have much, im a pretty open person.
113. Do you enjoy drama?i dont... well actually, mayb e a bit
yes.. but just because i forgive doesn't mean i have to continue being their friend
2. Where were you on your 16th birthday??
ummm.. i can't recall
3. Have you ever seen a live bat?
yup, they are creepy little buggers.
4. Is there anyone you hate?
hate? no... dislike. yes.
5. Are you single?
yes
6. Do you like the color orange?
depends.
7. Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
i always forgive, it's hard but oh well
8. Would you rather not eat or not sleep?
not eat. i love my sleep
9. Have you ever seen a real redneck?
any day i work at petland
10. Do you like tattoos and piercings?
i love them both
11. What size shoes do you wear?
9 depending on the make
12. What's your favorite season?
summer
13. Do you care if people talk smack about you?
yeah it hurts me
14. Do you like someone?
yes.
14. How much are you on the phone?
not much
15. Your name?
lauren
16. Are you in a good mood?
haha why yes i am.
7. Do you think people will exist forever?
nope
18. What is your sign?
cancer
19. Do you believe in luck?
i believe in blessings
20. Would you rather sky dive or bungee jump?
i want to do both. you got to have some thrill in your life.
21. Do you like snakes?
depends on the snake
22. Where is one place that you'd like to visit?
italy.
23. Do you like waffles?
of course.
24. Anything you're looking forward to?
yes alot of things. i hope it just doesn't go all wrong.
25. How long have you liked the person you like for?
hmmmmmmm... awhile
26. Does the number 23 have any significance to you?
well you see.......no
27. Be honest, do you like people in general?
to be honeset...no
28. Big or small dogs?
both
29. Do you like Big Macs?
no i don't
30. Did someone bother you today?
haha yes..
31. What do you think about death?
im just scared in general
32. Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
nope, i love being me.
33. Does someone love you?
no
35. Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a R?
nope
36. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
no
37. Got any nicknames?
yes, and im not even gonna start.
38. What color is your hair?
red
39. Do you like Starbucks?
looove it
40. Are you named after anyone?
i dunno they picked it out of a book
41. Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass or fail?
pass
42. Are you taller than 5'6"?
yes
43. Do you like the color blue?
its a favorite
44. How are you?
im really good.
5. Who was the last person to send you an IM?
can't remember
46. Last restaurant you went to?
boston pizza
48. Last voice mail you received?
i think it was from work
50. What would you do if you won five million dollars?
buy my own house, and travel. give to the family. etc/
52. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend?
alot of them.
53. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
haha no
54. What clothes are you wearing?
tank top, jeans
55. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
of course, i love road trips
56. Have you cried today?
nope, but the day is still young
57. Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
i'd like to think so
59. Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
not really but at the same time yes, cause your so called best friend might kno alot more about you than a friend would i guess there is a difference.
60. Do you miss anyone?
i do
61. Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone?
yea.
62. When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
friday?
63. What are your plans for tomorrow?
working
64. Can you touch your toes?
yes.
65. Do you know anybody who was abused?
yes
66. Is silence really golden?
no
67. Do you have any interesting tattoos/piercings?
no, i'm working on it
68. Are you afraid to grow up?
nope
69. Who were you with last night?
work
70. Can you count past 100?
uh yea. im not a retard.
71. What language are you taking?
none
72. Any upcoming vacations?
if july is upcoming than yes
73. If you had to marry someone on your top, who would it be?
hmmm.. no idea...
74. Do you care what people think of you?
i shouldn't but i do
75. Would you call yourself smart?
yes i would like to think so.
76. Do you like to read?
yes love it
77. Do you own a pair of Nike's?
not currently
78. Have you ever touched an elephant?
yes
79. What are you listening to?
a movie.
80. Is anything wrong?
nope nothing.
81. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
sure would
82. Where is three?
wtf thats stupid.
83. Do you want to go to college?
i just finished
84. Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)?
yea sometimes.
85. What did you do for your last birthday?
ate cake in my kitchen with some americans and a couple friends
86. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping
87. Name something you CANNOT wait for?
july 13
88. What's your favorite season?
k this is seriously repeating
89. Have you ever talked to Tom?
haha no
90. Last thing you drank/ate?
perogies
91. Have you ever ran with scissors?
o probably
92. Do you like peanut butter?
yes, i do.
93. Who’s making you feel the way you are right now?
myself?
94. Most visited web page?
facebook, gosh how i hate it. but love it.
95. Coke or Pepsi?
coke
96. Looking forward to something this weekend?
nope
97. How many siblings do you have?
2
98. Do you have any pets?
2dogs.
99. What's your favorite number?
9 or 4
100. What are you watching now?
muppets do manhattan
101. Do you know how to swim?
o yes. of course, i love it.
102. Is good grammar attractive?
yes haha..
103. Are you jealous of one or more of your friends?
yes
104. Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
nope
105. Are any of your friends taller than you?
not many of them
106. Have you ever been ditched by a friend?
haha who hasn't.
107. Where do your friends live?
most in winipeg some in usa
108. Have you lost or forgotten a friends phone number?
thats what a contact list is for
111. Needles aren't so horrible?
agreed
112. You have plenty of secrets?
i keep alot of secrets yes, but i personally don't have much, im a pretty open person.
113. Do you enjoy drama?i dont... well actually, mayb e a bit
Thursday, March 27, 2008
thats 2 bullets...
If the person who hurt you the most recently apologized, what would you do?
forgiveness is good for the soul...
Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?
can't say i do
Are you a morning person or a night?
Not Really Morning, So NIght I Guess.
Are you there for your friends?
Yes
Are you a forgiving person?
Pretty Much. Ill Be Mad For Like A Day.
Do you smoke on the regular?
gross!!
Are you mad at anyone?
nope
Are you an aunt or an uncle?
Nope
Who was the last person you ate with?
me and vanessa and alana had mucho popcorn
Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?
momma
Are you feeling uneasy about something lately?
nope
Do you have plans for your next birthday?
Nope... everyone is gone for it
Where are your top three friends right now?
um i don't really have top freinds
Ever punched somebody or been punched?
Yeahh
Do you want children?
Someday.
You're in the hospital, who of your friends would come visit you?
none
Anyone from your past come to mind often?
Not Often. Every Once and Awhile.
Are you a jealous person?
Depends
Is your birthday on a holiday?
nope
What does your last text in your inbox say and from who?
It's from alana telling me she forgot star troll at josh's
What was the last text you sent out?
to alana telling her i'll bring it tomorrow
Do you wish somebody would call you? And why?
Yeah, Im Bored
Do you have a job?
yes
Is there someone you want to fight?
Nope
Does anyone like you?
nope
What's annoying you right now?
my bowel
Whats your middle name?
patricia
Where were you last night?
youth
Where were you at noon yesterday?
the dog park?
Next vacation your going to?
INDIANAPOLIS!!!!
Do you like where you live?
it's not bad
What's something you really want right now?
to poop
What color is your hair?
red-ish
Do you find yourself loved?
meh
Whats the closest blue thing to you right now?
my retainer?
What is your natural hair color?
red-ish
If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
it's hard to say, are there wild animals?
Who do you text the most?:
Whoever Texts me
Do you get along with your parents?
sometimes
Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
indianapolis
Are you flexible?
Kinda?
What did you do on New Years Eve?
new years at the wachals
Was your mom there?
Nope
Can you speak any other language than English?
grade 9 french
What are you excited for?
Indianapolis
i'd write more but i have to poop
forgiveness is good for the soul...
Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?
can't say i do
Are you a morning person or a night?
Not Really Morning, So NIght I Guess.
Are you there for your friends?
Yes
Are you a forgiving person?
Pretty Much. Ill Be Mad For Like A Day.
Do you smoke on the regular?
gross!!
Are you mad at anyone?
nope
Are you an aunt or an uncle?
Nope
Who was the last person you ate with?
me and vanessa and alana had mucho popcorn
Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?
momma
Are you feeling uneasy about something lately?
nope
Do you have plans for your next birthday?
Nope... everyone is gone for it
Where are your top three friends right now?
um i don't really have top freinds
Ever punched somebody or been punched?
Yeahh
Do you want children?
Someday.
You're in the hospital, who of your friends would come visit you?
none
Anyone from your past come to mind often?
Not Often. Every Once and Awhile.
Are you a jealous person?
Depends
Is your birthday on a holiday?
nope
What does your last text in your inbox say and from who?
It's from alana telling me she forgot star troll at josh's
What was the last text you sent out?
to alana telling her i'll bring it tomorrow
Do you wish somebody would call you? And why?
Yeah, Im Bored
Do you have a job?
yes
Is there someone you want to fight?
Nope
Does anyone like you?
nope
What's annoying you right now?
my bowel
Whats your middle name?
patricia
Where were you last night?
youth
Where were you at noon yesterday?
the dog park?
Next vacation your going to?
INDIANAPOLIS!!!!
Do you like where you live?
it's not bad
What's something you really want right now?
to poop
What color is your hair?
red-ish
Do you find yourself loved?
meh
Whats the closest blue thing to you right now?
my retainer?
What is your natural hair color?
red-ish
If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
it's hard to say, are there wild animals?
Who do you text the most?:
Whoever Texts me
Do you get along with your parents?
sometimes
Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
indianapolis
Are you flexible?
Kinda?
What did you do on New Years Eve?
new years at the wachals
Was your mom there?
Nope
Can you speak any other language than English?
grade 9 french
What are you excited for?
Indianapolis
i'd write more but i have to poop
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
people who survey answers in blogs should be shot...
1. If your being extremely quiet whats it mean?
That I'm In A Bad Mood, or Upset About Something
2. If someone hit you, what would you do?
hit back
3. Do you still have feelings for your ex?
No
4. Have you ever had a one night stand?
No
5. If so would you again? and if not, would you?
...
6. Last time you laughed?
Today, at some point, probably at work
7. Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
nope
8. Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
Nope
9. Would you ever date your best friend (of the opposite sex)?
why yes, yes i would
10. Have you ever received sexy pics from someone?
i sure haven't
11. Do you regret anything from your past?
who doesnt
12. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
its not worth it, i wouldnt
13. How do you react when people cry around you?
i usually start crying
14. Do you bump into someones arm if you want to hold their hand?
No, thats kinda lame
15. Last argument?
Not Sure
16 have u kissed someone recently?
nope
17. Would you kiss them again?
see previous answer
18. Are you jealous of this person?
huh?
19 Do you have a crush?
yes
20. Do you know how to belly dance?
Yes
21. What are you listening to?
Hannah Montana WHAT!
22. Last beverage?
chocolate milk
23. Last nap?
when i sleep at night
24. Do you own a planner?
i do not, i write notes on my hands
27. Favorite month?
Warm Ones
28. Would your parents be mad if you got pregnant?
yeah but i don't think they'd disown my or anything
29. Would your parents be mad if you were in a inter-racial relationship?
No, but i wouldn't take them to my extended family christmas.. my parents don't mind, but my great grandma and grandparents might
30. Would they be mad if you were gay/lesbian?
no clue
31. What are you doing Saturday?
either mini golf or 725
32. Sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?
i honestly couldn't tell you
33. celebrity most like you?
there are none
34. Kiss on the first date?
Nah
35. Are you a slut/man whore?
nope
36. Fav color?
green, purple,blue, pink
37. Are you racist?
Heck No
38. Excited for anything?
INDY!!!
39. Ever had sex with two different people in ONE day?
No can't say i have.. what kind of survey is this?
40. Would you ever steal someones boyfriend or girlfriend?
No
42. Last time you were confused?
Probably Today
44. If you could cuddle with anyone right now who would you pick?
no comment
45. Have you ever done something behind your best friend's back and never told them even though you know you should? i think i've come clean on alot
47. Rent a movie or go to movies?
Both
48. Been to Mexico?
Nope
49. Own a gun?
No
50. Happy with life?
Yes!
SO I'm 100% done school, which is absolutely wonderful. I passed and i got a wonderful evaluation from the school i was at. And I also heard back form Group workcamps!!! i'm Super excited because i am going to indianpolis for three weeks starting on july 13. I'm super excited and cannot wait. I bought my plane tickets tonight.
Umm things are a little bit better. with how i'm feeling that is.
Tonight Josh gave a great message and it really helped out alot.
Other than that, i'm outta here
That I'm In A Bad Mood, or Upset About Something
2. If someone hit you, what would you do?
hit back
3. Do you still have feelings for your ex?
No
4. Have you ever had a one night stand?
No
5. If so would you again? and if not, would you?
...
6. Last time you laughed?
Today, at some point, probably at work
7. Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
nope
8. Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
Nope
9. Would you ever date your best friend (of the opposite sex)?
why yes, yes i would
10. Have you ever received sexy pics from someone?
i sure haven't
11. Do you regret anything from your past?
who doesnt
12. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
its not worth it, i wouldnt
13. How do you react when people cry around you?
i usually start crying
14. Do you bump into someones arm if you want to hold their hand?
No, thats kinda lame
15. Last argument?
Not Sure
16 have u kissed someone recently?
nope
17. Would you kiss them again?
see previous answer
18. Are you jealous of this person?
huh?
19 Do you have a crush?
yes
20. Do you know how to belly dance?
Yes
21. What are you listening to?
Hannah Montana WHAT!
22. Last beverage?
chocolate milk
23. Last nap?
when i sleep at night
24. Do you own a planner?
i do not, i write notes on my hands
27. Favorite month?
Warm Ones
28. Would your parents be mad if you got pregnant?
yeah but i don't think they'd disown my or anything
29. Would your parents be mad if you were in a inter-racial relationship?
No, but i wouldn't take them to my extended family christmas.. my parents don't mind, but my great grandma and grandparents might
30. Would they be mad if you were gay/lesbian?
no clue
31. What are you doing Saturday?
either mini golf or 725
32. Sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?
i honestly couldn't tell you
33. celebrity most like you?
there are none
34. Kiss on the first date?
Nah
35. Are you a slut/man whore?
nope
36. Fav color?
green, purple,blue, pink
37. Are you racist?
Heck No
38. Excited for anything?
INDY!!!
39. Ever had sex with two different people in ONE day?
No can't say i have.. what kind of survey is this?
40. Would you ever steal someones boyfriend or girlfriend?
No
42. Last time you were confused?
Probably Today
44. If you could cuddle with anyone right now who would you pick?
no comment
45. Have you ever done something behind your best friend's back and never told them even though you know you should? i think i've come clean on alot
47. Rent a movie or go to movies?
Both
48. Been to Mexico?
Nope
49. Own a gun?
No
50. Happy with life?
Yes!
SO I'm 100% done school, which is absolutely wonderful. I passed and i got a wonderful evaluation from the school i was at. And I also heard back form Group workcamps!!! i'm Super excited because i am going to indianpolis for three weeks starting on july 13. I'm super excited and cannot wait. I bought my plane tickets tonight.
Umm things are a little bit better. with how i'm feeling that is.
Tonight Josh gave a great message and it really helped out alot.
Other than that, i'm outta here
Saturday, March 15, 2008
March came in like A Lion...
Well It's already March, I can hardly believe it. School Is completely over as of yesterday. It's exciting, I'll be hopefully starting a career soon.l I think I did well on my three week of practicum, I think I really stepped it up and got 'er done.
Today I also got my CPR and first Aid certificate, so if you get hurt of knocked unconscious and aren't breathing, I can help you, and I can even zap your heart into rhythm again if there's a defibrillator around. So don't you worry about a thing. HA
So i applied to volunteer with Group Workcamps over the summer, hopefully in Indianapolis. I did my video interview already and sent it in, they said they'd call by the end of the week, but they haven't yet. I'm getting kinda stressed about it. I'm just praying that everything will work out and that I'll be able to serve God this summer.
Other than that I really don't think there's much else new.
Youth is great.. well for the kids at least. I on the other hand am rather discouraged, it feels like i don't matter there and lately like I should just quit. I don't know maybe it's just a spiritual attack, but every time I'm there I want to leave within a few minutes and just run far far away.
I gotta start praying for finances too. If I do end up going this summer I'll have to save up some cash before I go, and if you know me well then you know I am NOT good at saving money.
Thats about it, if you wanna watch my video interview it's at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n04_9AJOAfQ please leave comments!
Today I also got my CPR and first Aid certificate, so if you get hurt of knocked unconscious and aren't breathing, I can help you, and I can even zap your heart into rhythm again if there's a defibrillator around. So don't you worry about a thing. HA
So i applied to volunteer with Group Workcamps over the summer, hopefully in Indianapolis. I did my video interview already and sent it in, they said they'd call by the end of the week, but they haven't yet. I'm getting kinda stressed about it. I'm just praying that everything will work out and that I'll be able to serve God this summer.
Other than that I really don't think there's much else new.
Youth is great.. well for the kids at least. I on the other hand am rather discouraged, it feels like i don't matter there and lately like I should just quit. I don't know maybe it's just a spiritual attack, but every time I'm there I want to leave within a few minutes and just run far far away.
I gotta start praying for finances too. If I do end up going this summer I'll have to save up some cash before I go, and if you know me well then you know I am NOT good at saving money.
Thats about it, if you wanna watch my video interview it's at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n04_9AJOAfQ please leave comments!
Friday, February 01, 2008
THis kiiiiiiiind of sucks
well howdy there my friends. It's been a while since i've posted and amen to that because it guess that just means i'll have a long more interesting post for you.
School has been different it's been really slack and to be honest i've completely lost all my drive for it. i've been really discouraged and disheartened about the whole thing and it leaves me kinda of bitter.
things at home are meh.
Theres a huge chance amy, my brother's now ex gf, may have cancer and she's left my brother in the rain because she feels she has to do it herself, that's well and dandy but it's pretty much turned out home upside down. my brother is miserable and it's reflected everywhere in our house, and he's even threatened to move away. i guess i understand but i'm not happy.
it makes me cry whenever i think about it...
on second thought, i really don't wanna write right now.
sorry
School has been different it's been really slack and to be honest i've completely lost all my drive for it. i've been really discouraged and disheartened about the whole thing and it leaves me kinda of bitter.
things at home are meh.
Theres a huge chance amy, my brother's now ex gf, may have cancer and she's left my brother in the rain because she feels she has to do it herself, that's well and dandy but it's pretty much turned out home upside down. my brother is miserable and it's reflected everywhere in our house, and he's even threatened to move away. i guess i understand but i'm not happy.
it makes me cry whenever i think about it...
on second thought, i really don't wanna write right now.
sorry
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
a goood break
So Christmas has most definitely been a wonderful break. I worked super a lot and made lots of money which was great. I got everything I asked for Christmas, my moccasins, family force 5, David Crowder Band, Harry Potter 5, a curling iron, Degrassi High the complete series, Lost season 3. It was pretty wicked Christmas.
Also I have a new respect and Love for my brother Ryan. I have come to see that he really is nice guy and I don't give him nearly enough credit.
Also my friend Andrew from work camps came to visit for a week for new years. We had lots of fun, we went golfing and went to a party and to a moose game and sledding and skating. I was more active in this week than I have been in a long time.
I go back to school on Monday. I am kinda ready to go back. I think school is gonna be pretty easy after the break. I'm not worried about stress or anything, I'm really ready to get 'er done. It'll be good.
Other than that not much is new.
I work this weekend, minus sunday and that's about it.
Have a happy New year all!
Also I have a new respect and Love for my brother Ryan. I have come to see that he really is nice guy and I don't give him nearly enough credit.
Also my friend Andrew from work camps came to visit for a week for new years. We had lots of fun, we went golfing and went to a party and to a moose game and sledding and skating. I was more active in this week than I have been in a long time.
I go back to school on Monday. I am kinda ready to go back. I think school is gonna be pretty easy after the break. I'm not worried about stress or anything, I'm really ready to get 'er done. It'll be good.
Other than that not much is new.
I work this weekend, minus sunday and that's about it.
Have a happy New year all!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Schooooool is done
So the last week was absolute crap!
So we did our presentation on monday, it sucked. one of the members of our group sat there and spoke in this none enthusiastic voice. Then when the teacherwent to talk to us about it she stormed out of the room and screamed the f bomb and punched the wall. It was pretty ridiculous!!!! Then we didn't talk to that person for pretty much the whole week.
Then pretty much everyone else in our class is being a biz too so it was so just a grumpy vibe all the way.
Although i had 4 tests, 1 thursday and 3 on friday, and i'm pretty sure i did well on all of them. which is pretty exciting.
thats pretty much is
we'll see how christmas goes
So we did our presentation on monday, it sucked. one of the members of our group sat there and spoke in this none enthusiastic voice. Then when the teacherwent to talk to us about it she stormed out of the room and screamed the f bomb and punched the wall. It was pretty ridiculous!!!! Then we didn't talk to that person for pretty much the whole week.
Then pretty much everyone else in our class is being a biz too so it was so just a grumpy vibe all the way.
Although i had 4 tests, 1 thursday and 3 on friday, and i'm pretty sure i did well on all of them. which is pretty exciting.
thats pretty much is
we'll see how christmas goes
Sunday, December 02, 2007
i don't care..and i feel so refereshed
well yesterday was a downfall for me. i felt like pooh! good news i feel way better now.
After the church service, even though the topic had nothing to do with stuff that i was feeling bumbed about, i felt very relieved and peaceful! I know that God will take care of this thing with nick and when he does I will be very thankful for whatever his plan is.
Plus my laptop is working! yahoo!! thank you Jesus! there's no way i could afford to fix it if it didn't work.
I'm still praying for that job so here's my prayer for today.
Dear God,
Thank you sooo soo so much for all the blessings you have given me, Lord God, and I think you that you're a part of my life. God, I just pray that you help me with the things I'm still struggling with, swearing, using you name in vain, gossiping, lying, and so much more Lord, I pray for your forgiveness in that area and I pray that you give me the strength to turn away. Lord, I also pray that you help with love others. I'm so terrible and showing love towards people when I first meet people... I often dislike people until they give me a reason to like them Lord, and I don't want it to be like that. God, I want to love them at first chance, God.
God I just pray now as well for this situation at the school, Lord, I just want that job so much, and God, they've made it clear that they want me there too. God, I just pray that it doesn't change and that they don't go back on what they said, and they my hopes aren't shot down, Lord. Please, God, just place me in that school permanently.
God I want to lift up the church. Lord, as we just elected new elders I pray that they seek you and that you steer the church through them Lord, and that we as a congregation can encourage and support them. Lord, I just pray you be with them in all their decisions.
God, I pray for Josh, Kiel, Erin and Mel as they travel home Lord God. I pray that you protect them and keep them safe on their road Lord God. And that you just continue to be in the hearts and minds as they return home to share new and exiting things with our youth, Lord, I pray for the youth. God I pray for you just to reveal yourself in huge ways Lord. Lord open these youth's eyes to you like they've never seen before Lord God. And Lord just open their hearts so they they can be closer to you God. God I just thank you so much again for the blessings that you've given Lord. You have given so much Lord. And as you continue to show yourself God, I just pray that I don't get caught up with pointless things God and that I am able to stay thankful and continue to praise and worship you for your Goodness and love.
Amen
After the church service, even though the topic had nothing to do with stuff that i was feeling bumbed about, i felt very relieved and peaceful! I know that God will take care of this thing with nick and when he does I will be very thankful for whatever his plan is.
Plus my laptop is working! yahoo!! thank you Jesus! there's no way i could afford to fix it if it didn't work.
I'm still praying for that job so here's my prayer for today.
Dear God,
Thank you sooo soo so much for all the blessings you have given me, Lord God, and I think you that you're a part of my life. God, I just pray that you help me with the things I'm still struggling with, swearing, using you name in vain, gossiping, lying, and so much more Lord, I pray for your forgiveness in that area and I pray that you give me the strength to turn away. Lord, I also pray that you help with love others. I'm so terrible and showing love towards people when I first meet people... I often dislike people until they give me a reason to like them Lord, and I don't want it to be like that. God, I want to love them at first chance, God.
God I just pray now as well for this situation at the school, Lord, I just want that job so much, and God, they've made it clear that they want me there too. God, I just pray that it doesn't change and that they don't go back on what they said, and they my hopes aren't shot down, Lord. Please, God, just place me in that school permanently.
God I want to lift up the church. Lord, as we just elected new elders I pray that they seek you and that you steer the church through them Lord, and that we as a congregation can encourage and support them. Lord, I just pray you be with them in all their decisions.
God, I pray for Josh, Kiel, Erin and Mel as they travel home Lord God. I pray that you protect them and keep them safe on their road Lord God. And that you just continue to be in the hearts and minds as they return home to share new and exiting things with our youth, Lord, I pray for the youth. God I pray for you just to reveal yourself in huge ways Lord. Lord open these youth's eyes to you like they've never seen before Lord God. And Lord just open their hearts so they they can be closer to you God. God I just thank you so much again for the blessings that you've given Lord. You have given so much Lord. And as you continue to show yourself God, I just pray that I don't get caught up with pointless things God and that I am able to stay thankful and continue to praise and worship you for your Goodness and love.
Amen
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