christmas

Well christmas this year did not feel like christmas at all. I was don't know, it's just not the same aswhen i was younger ya know, but i guess thats to be expected. on christmas eve, i pretty much just sat around. that was fun.Then i woke up at 9 and went to work and fed all the puppies and small tiny creatures. It was fun. I then locked up and went home.
The family came over between 3 and 4. My god they can be annoying. my uncle makes very stupid stupid comments. then my cousins are just weird, i'm very interested to see how they turn out. Luckily robbie saved me with a phone call, thank you robbie, I very much appreciate it and it made me happy to talk to you.
Today i opened. the store was in one piece, so that was good. I felt i got a lot accomplished. I hope all of us do good while mike is gone, show him that we can do our job even though he's not there. Now tomorrow I close again, should be fun.
Can't really think of anything other than that... oh yeah...
Get medicine that works....lakota!

All people do is let you down

haahha

Me and Allison finally went shopping. Got some pretty sweet pyjamma type pants. They're super cute. Also got my secret santa present, hopefully they don't already got what I bought them.
After that we went to pick up her sister from her basketball and went tothe forks. We then drove around downtown wherewe almost hit a bus as well as a jeep because of a certain cell phone. Sooooooooo funny though. we almost died laughing. Tomorrow is selah, got caitlin to sing for me, I don't want to. So that'll be good. Thursday work, friday nothing, saturday work and then possibly scattagories at mike's place. we'll see.
It's beeen good times, things are still weird though they will be for awhile. I'm starting to despise certain people from different places for certain reasons. I don't care. One step closer to the wrong side of the tracks I guess. weeeeee.
Someone called me on sunday night, no clue who it was, all i got out of my brother was " it was a girl".... i asked people, no one says it was them. oh well... someone weird called is the conclusion i've come to.
I'm out

weee

I'm incredibly tired. yesturday I worked, opened to be exact. I opened i was sooo on top of things, but then I had to take a dog to the air port then pick up some dogs from polo. This took quite awhile and then i became behind, but we worked our bumbs off and caught up. I then went home, napped and watched the degrassi documentary.
I then went back to petland to meet up with mike and christine and we went to play monopoly at christine's house. It was grand. Myself and mike were quite hyper..fun times. I were out late and i didn't get home til like 2.
Then i got to wake up at 7 to go to work and open and work the day behind myself. fun times. now i'm massively tired and i believe i'm going to bed now..which is now about 8:00 oy.

yay

so i went into work to get my hours. So many, it's great. i work tuesday, thursday, saturday and sunday. that's only one extra day but still it seems like quite a bit.
we're going to sponser a christmas cheer board family as a store.e which is really awesome in my mind. we're doing somethingreally good, we wanna get a family with lots of little kids, alteast a few that is. we're going to do the shopping our selves and everything. I'm really excited. It costs each person 20$. I'm going to go drop the money off tomorrow i think. i'm not gonna stick around long, just gonna drop it off.
I watched desperate housewives tonight and it brought up a very interesting point.... why do we choose to classify someone as just truely evil and truly good? is it because we can't accept that evil and good can live in the same heart. I think it's kinda an interesting point. i don't really know what to say about it though... so i'm just going to leave it at that.

allo?hallo?

testing, can anyone hear me? no alright, i dunno sometimesi feel like i'm in a room full of people, and i'm not noticed. Likeif i were in the mall hunt as a sponser, no one would take the time to try and find me. or maybe i am noticed but not for the good things...
my letter to my friend about stuff obviously did nothing. should I really be surprised...nah?
anyways, today i worked at 6:30 i was there by 5:45 though, I wanted a head start.boy gosh i did need it, I got really behind, so many things at once kept going so it made me fall behind. When i got home at 3 i slept until like almost 8. It was wonderful.
tomorrow i have the day off. wooooot. i'm going in though to get my hours and shiet. good times,i gotta find me some bubble wrap... anyone know where i can find me some? i must get some, not for the pleasure of popping the bubbles but for other, i have so much to do with such little time. wow

driving

So i got home from school last night and I felt really bad cus mike asked me to switch shifts, his tomorrow opening for my sunday opening. I said no but ifelt bad because he really wanted to go out tonight, so I called him when i got home and we switched. He'd do that for me.
So then i went and picked up the key and then back home for half an hour until I drove myself to polopark. I felt like i could not go on the bus, not today, maybe not ever again. Horrid horrid bus...so i had fun doing u-turns due to missing st james street, swearing at yelling at people that don't know how to work a 4 way stop and listening to the backstreet boys.
I shopped for almost half an hour before everyone else got there. I got robbie his sweet christmas present, I won't dare way what it is one here, but I will say that I think he'll like it... i hope he does. I also bought Dallas Green's (city and colour) sometimes cd, tegan and sarah and my chemical romance. I also got an awesome shirt from american eagle that says "kindness can change the world" it's nice.
I then went back to the church, and continued to listen to the backstreet boys. When i got back to the church i hung out with alana and michelle, I miss my little gurlies, i haven't seen them in what seems like such a long time. It made me happy.
That's pretty much all for now. It's 11:00, i get up in 6 hours.. weeeee fun

roll eyes

yes tonight was selah. I did powerpoint, i don't even know why i'm still doing it but i am. Once again erin came and talked to my in a giant awkward conversation. that was fun. who knows what's going on there, whatever. either one 1) she thinks I'm depressed or 2) becky seems to think that erin thinks I'm mad at her? It's not like It alked to her i nthe first place? why make things awkward now?
Josh gave this big speil about serving and all i could do was try to tune him out. Talking about not just erving people financially and all that jazz but by talking to people and helping them through stuff, but where was his reply when i emailed him? hmm wasn't " i've given up on God" one last try at getting help for my relationship with God? how much clearer can I get, and yet no reply. "The person I baptised don't have a relationship with God anymore eeeyuck I'm not gonna do anything about it or talk to her, or even respond." YAY!!!!!
as for my church friends I really don't understand it. I'm getting really frustrated. Caitlin said she wished I was around more that night when I called her at the wachals like I am the reason our friendship isn't the way it was, like her coming to eat lunch with me once every 2 weeks is going to make it better Bullshit. and talking to other people is just non existant. Is it me? I don't know. I don't feel the same around them anymore? Is it because they're all gung hoe, keener Christians? Who knows. I don't know what to think anymore

booooo!

Today at work was fun. I worked my ass off. Then came home to watch my least favorite episode of degrassi next generation EVER!! erg it made me mad "we'll find jesus together" way to go degrassi. WAY TO GO!
Okay I'm sorry but when my favorite show ever is over turned with Jesus and all that It makes me angry. I'm sorry but I don't need to be surrounded with all this christian... agh!... i can't escape it! I'm sorry DEGRASSI IS NOT CHRISTIAN NOR SHOULD IT BE! I don't like it. The worst part about it is that it's SOOOOO corny. I mean oh my gosh.. " all you need is to believe"...." i think you're worth it...jesus thinks you're worth it" oh my gosh it made me soo annoyed.
My personal favorite part was when spinner's friend told spinner's girlfriend that spinner was gonna leave her if she didn't do it with him... so she took her shirt off to expose her bathing suit... at which point he started kissing her shoulders....and she started to cry!!! I just can't even put my annoyance into words.. SHAME DEGRASSI SHAME!!!

"now everyone shake their fist"

monday night was this INCREDIBLE snow storm that gave us a whole lot of snow. like to our knees worth. It's crazy. So tuesday most people were snowed in and it was an non official yet official, cus no one went to school, snow day. I spent my day watching old school degrassi and then later on when my father returned home our family was outside mmoving cars and digging snow away. It was crazy times.

Today seemed like a pointless day of school, busses still weren't running so no kids from east st paul were really there. Oh poop on them. Ididn't wanna be there either. Then when school ended I went searching for my mother and ended up going on an adventure.... now my lungs hurt from breathing in the cold air.
Tonight allison got called into work so our shopping fun is postponed. Dang you petland!!!*shakes fist* so i'm forced to go to youth, which i really don't wanna do but it'll seem weird to my parents and i don't feel like explaining everythng to them about how i feel about God and stuff. Waste of time... so allas i am going and our shopping trip is postponed until i believe friday night.
Then saturday morning I open and hurrah for crazy early mornings is all i have to say. Then once again i open sunday, but this time with mike. That'll be crazy good times. me and him had fun on monday when i got to work with him.
And agian i say I can't wait until sunday. Christmas party is going to be mega fun! I can't wait!!!!

Pain!!!

Well today was another day of work and i am so completely tired, normally i'm not this tired at all. But saturday night lori came in and told me that since we open later on sundays someone has to take the little brown puppy home, soi was the one to do so, completely missing becky's birthday party which i really wanted to go to. I got very little sleep because of the horrid matress that i'm forced to sleep on downstairs. Bwah to that. It severally is uncormfortable and i think it's giving me back problems.
But oh wait maybe i'm wrong
Today i open, and since we must squeegee the water from outta the kennels some where, we must put it on the ground making it INCREDIBLY slippery. So i refrained from falling for most of my shift, but then right when the store was about to open bam i slip and fall. causing me great amounts of back pain and pain in general.i laid htere for 5 minutes almost in tears. it really hurt. my back is still in pain.
Once again i have the puppy since no one is at the store for 12 hrs. it's currently sleeping while i'm typing. I'll take her back at 1 when i work once again.
I CAN'T wait til wednesday petland girls are going shopping
I also can't wait for the christmas party which is now in 6 days. it shall be fun oh yes it shall be fun.

On a side note: I'm sick of people saying they're available to me, if i wanted to talk to you about something i would. I emailed someone but nothing came of it, no talking to that person, no that person even acknowledging that i emailed them, so i'm sick of caring and trying.

That was fun

Tonight was interesting, I was feeling rather bitchy not in the grumpy agree way in the way of i'm feeling really emotional and like i could cry. I really didn't like the idea of singing some mighty praise to God when I don't even really feel like he's here. So then after practicing for five minutes erin stops everyone and tells me i shouldn't sing that certain part because I sound off.

Okay wrong timing... so we continued to sing and I just couldn't do it. I just put the microphone down and walked out.went to the washroom and stayed there for awhle. Then when i came back erin demanded i talk to her.. i just kept up my " it's nothing" attitude and told her thats what it was, cus really thats what it was.. nothing to do with her. I just figured that if i'm not exactly right with God I probably shouldn't be helping lead people in worshipping him. so needless to say.. i didn't sing ...that's all.
So anyways I really don't know. I'm sick of people and if she thinks i'm pissed I really don'tcare to fix it. I'm really sick of people thinking that things center around them. I already didn't want to sing, and yes that did push me over. But i didn't want to anyways you know.
I don't know I guess I really just don't know anymore. And i care but i don't.erg this whole situation is really stupid. weeeee

Not much new

Today is tuesday, yesturday was halloween and today was so borring. I rented star wars and then went to work to visit good old mike.

Now I'm typing in my blog.

Last year I was in a bubble. I really just realized it. I didn't allow myself to meet new friends and I kept myself talking to the same old people. I'm really happy this year. Things have changed and in a way it's strange but it's making me talk to different people... well i mean not MAKING me, but more allowing me to talk to other people. I'm not saying anyone stopped me, but the way things are right now is making me reach out.

I used to think of drinking bad, GRRRRRRR... but i don't mind drunk people. they're actually really funny and I enjoy hanging out with them. I also really like the people i work with. They're amazing. I don't know things are just really different and They're making me feel like i don't need the things i was involved in last year. I mean i love my friends and I always will. And i'm not saying i don't want to hang out with them, my God please dont think thats what I'm saying. I'm just saying, well i don't really know what I'm saying. well i guess, you know how i typed before that I had given up on certain things? yes? no? well i don't really feel like I need those " things" I don't know maybe ive been extremely warped I don't know. weee this is fun! I don't know what to think!

i enjoy fire

Lesson learned, don't have a fire near lots of drunks.. haha no, no one fell in but the whole night i was constantly making sure that he wobbly drunks weren't going to fall into the fire.Friday night I worked. It wasn't too bad. I finished everything ontime, as always. Then i went to get some food at mdicks on henderson, and then home to sleep.

Saturday morning I slept in and then went to work at three. It was a really slow night because me and allison were just waiting to get the heck out of there so we could go party it up at mikes house. So Brady showed up at the store and we made plans to get to the party. So he went home, and at 930 me and allison went to her place so she could change, then to pick up brady, to the LC and then finally to mikes house where a bunch of petlanders were. Most people were drinking or massively drunk. I was constantly watching everyone to make sure no one fell in the fire or anything, their wobblyness was amusing. Then since the clocks turned back we got an extra hour of Partying. WOOT i was technically home at like 2, but since the clocks turned back it was only 1. haha i like it.I drove allison home then brady home. oh wow. Good night.

This morning i opened at work, holy crap was i tired. So it was a good weekend. Now i'm pretty much brain dead and tired.Tomrorow I work again. It shall be good. We'll see what this weekend has ensue.

how can this be?

Yeha I've think I've completely given up. Tonight ahs just been a rollercoast and i don't care about it anymore. I don't think I trust a single person on this earth, and why should I with all the crap people feed you why should you trust anyone... we talked about it in world issues and really... even though we didn't really discuss it.... violence and evil is a part of us, no matter how hard anyone ever tries it's always going to be there. thats' hy the world won't get better until the end of it. at least in my opinion. People's nastyness is part ofwhat i think made me give up on God.. not the whole part, its not fair to blame my crappy relationship or lack there of, with God, on someone else.. it's really been a long time coming. i mean i don't know how to explain where i stand. i mean there's no way i could not believe in something, i just don't have a relationship with that something and ihave lost the fire to gain it back. So i don't know maybe i haven't given up on God rather than given up on having a relationship with him.I was expecting to feel more empty than this? maybe i just can't feel it yet. who knows.
If you don't believe in hell do you not go there? That was brought up when someone told a person in my class they were going to hell because theydidn't believe in God.. someone said " how can she go there if she doesn't believe in it"... so my question is if someone murders a person and doens't think it's wrong does that make it not wrong... no...so am i going to hell now? what's going on in my life?whats going to happen to me in the future? in eternity? these questions and more will be answered depending on some things.. i sent josh an email saying what was going on... well not really.. i don't expect him to email me back i even said he didn't have to if he didn't want to.... i don't know what will happen now later

Can't Wait

This week I was originally only schedualed friday, saturday sunday, but alas jamie gave me his monday shift and tuesday rita can't work so mike is taking her morning and i'm taking the night. So i'm getting the hours that i really need. WHOOT. I can't wait until saturday night. it's going to be SO much fun. Since mike got promoted he's having all of us petlanders over for a super fun bon fire.. yeah it sounds really stupid but everyone's probably going to be mega drunk again which will be mega funny. I don't even mind that i work sasturday night, it'll be worth the fun, it just sucks i gotta open on the sunday.
Yesturday (sunday) was really fun. After work we had a seminar and then bowling. But inbetween the seminar and bowling part we got to playt hide and go seek. It sounds really lame but playing in petland is REALLY fun.So we were all hiding and me and rita had the genious idea to go hide in the shelter cats kennels. So we turned on the light to make sure that there was no crap or pee anywhere, then got into the kennels with the cats. I with kita, rita with tammy. so we got in shut the doors when i realized "hey there's no latches on the inside.." as in we were stuck in the kennels. It was terrifying, I almost died, I couldn't get be in there that long. So we just started screaming our heads off. So we keep screaming and then finally brady came and let us out... haha we almost died laughing.
speaking of brady, i feel really bad because i was kinda a jerk to him yesturday. I feel i should apologize. I think I will tomorrow, see how that goes... oh well this week will be a good one.I can't wait til saturday!

wow

Well yesturday was an interesting day. I talked it over with Natalie and since i didn't have school i instead started work at 1 and worked until 930.

I then high tailed it to the church to meet up with my pals and hang out by going to the wachals. So i got to the church and caitlin dind't have any room so Becky, me and andrea had to then take my car.So we're driving down henderson, and we see a deer so i start to break, then on the side of the road (passenger side, they were crossing to the other side) i see another one it looks at the car, sees it then decides to cross the street. I slam on the breaks as fast as i can but it bolts right infront of me and BAM i hit it I pretty much it it right dead on with the car,as in right i nthe center of the hood. he then rollsover the hood and away. Becky, andrea and i screaming perfusely.

I then call my father freaking out that i just hit a freaking dear. Andrea and becky then go out of the car and look in the ditch. I then hear them screaming, and all i think is " oh my gosh it got up and is chasing them." it wasn't but thats okay. so my parents then come and my dad takes the car and my mom drives us to the wachals and i little ways up from where I hit my deer, there's a dead one on the road... so either someone else it a deer as well (which owuld make me feel wonderful cus then i wouldn't be the only one) or the one i hit got up, wondered over there and then died from injuries sustained in my collision.

anyways i don't feel muchlike driving for awhile but my dad says i have to "get back on the horse". I also have to make a police report. Bah humbug

You Know...

You Know you've lost almost all your faith when:
you don't sing in worship and your biggest concern at worship is the powerpoint presentation
you don't give a crap about whats being said in small groups or during the sermon for that matter
you write blah blah blah on your hand during prayer

Yeah that was my night,and again, i'm not sure what to think about it, i'm not even really sure if i care so much about it right now. It sounds horrible and Andrea (i love you my dearest mandron) brings upthe point that really it's not much different than Rae anne,and well i don't know what to say about that. Besides we'll see what happens. Maybe i just need God to back me into a corner again. I don't know I really have changed a bit.... scratch that, alot, i don't have sympathy for stupid people, and iconsider alot of people stupid,therefore, i don't have sympathy for many ppeople...aren't I an awesome person. oh well

I'm really not sure what else to right, i really don't have much to say on the stupid as of now.

crazy

Things are weird and changing. I'm not sure what to think about it. I really don't like change and the idea of getting older. It's strange to me. It doesn't feel like 3 years ago we left grade 9, it feels like 1. But at the same time so many things have happened that it feels like AGES ago.
It's really hard to believe that I was baptised two years ago. it's pretty crazy to believe.

On friday I applied to university and It's really crazy to think that next year it's completely independant... even though i'll probably have a year off from school, it's gonna be one step closer to having a career, one step towards being... older. Things are REALLY different from last year. like crazily different and i'm not really sure what i think about that right now.. wowo did i write this in another update....oh well.... i'm around different people.
things at work are weird right now. I don't how to describe it, i'm not happy with it. I feel kinda depressed about a bunch of stuff going on there. Hopefully we'll have fun on sunday and things will be back to normal.
On a side note, pee and poop, fart, and burping humor doesn't get old no matter how you are.
Another thing i notice is how much people put other people down on purpose either to make themselves feel better OR just for the hell of it... it's really weird well actually it's kinda just pathetic

anyways i don't know what else to write

have a good night

Pictures

Here's some pictures from the social
Hahah that's everyone before the drunkess. Mike, me, tara,Allison, jess, natasha,tyler,Caitlin and laura

That's us dancing. haha fun

this is us after the whole thing chilling on the couch

mike re-doing up his belt.. haha don't ask
yeahit was a good night I don't have an update. keep it real