Wow it's been six months since i even remembered that I had this thing to write anything. Things have been iffy lately. I dont even know what to say.
So basically, I had the most amazing summer ever. First on june 29th... my birthday.. i went to echolake bible camp for a week. Then I came home for a whole week and then was off to Indianapolis for three weeks. AMAZING! Not only did I get to serve God and see Robbie and Nick, but I also got to meet some amazing people. Including the people I worked with, Sarah, Julie, Ebert and Sarah's mom. It was absolutely amazing and I completely miss them.
Hmm what else has been happening. Well I've been pretty fustrated lately.Just with my spiritual life and my lifein general.
On October 4 I started a new job with St Amant. Basically I work with 2 boys, one 4 and one 5 who have autism. I work with one of them in the morning and one in the afternoon and as of right now I'm super stressed out. I'm still technically employed by petland, which is sweet for the discounts, but basically I told them I won't be working any shifts until my Christmas break around December 19.
Ha! Oh yeah while I was on my trip I got a tattoo on my weekend off. I love it and I'm going for my second ink on Nov 15 which is about 5 days away. So excited.
Since I last typed we also had two elections. One Canadian and one American. For us Canadians the outcome is still the same, we're still a conservative minority government. For the Americans on the other hand, the outcome was incredible. The United States made history on Nov 4 by electing their first ever black president. It's funny how racial the election became. But I mean if you're really going to make that an issue in the whole thing. He is half and half. I mean he
s got some white in there too. It still amazes me though how completely for or against a candidate they are. Either you love one and hate the other or you love the other one and hate the other. It's amazing. I've heard people threaten to move to Canada if so and so was elected. We'll see who follows through with that threat of course.
I'm still completely and utterly single and praying for God to send me someone to love and to love me. I keep hearing this background voice who says I need to find my worth in God first. I know that's true but it's still completely and utterly fustrating. It seems every where I look around people I graduated with and maybe one year older are getting married and having babies. I mean I don't want it because I'm "jealous", I've always wanted that more myself, but lately seeing all this just makes it that much harder. I just want someone to love me and hold me and encourage me and hold me accountable, both to him and God. I know God has someone waiting for me and I need to have patience, and I am putting myself out there, I just have to wait and honestly I'm discouraged.
I've started working out at the gym. Lately I go once a week with a trainer who I know from highschool that pushes me to the extreme. I love it, I feel great about it and I'm losing weight from it. Losing weight is also helped by the fact that I'm also playing on a womens soccer team. I'm so bad because I haven't played organized soccer since grade three, but I love it. It's actually so fun, even though I virtually want to lay down and die after a game. So tired but happy. I'm also coaching a co-ed team for fun which it is! So far I haven't necessarily lost weight because muscle weighs more than weight but my belly has shrunk and I overall have more energy.
I don't think there's much else so share so I'm going to go to bed because I have to work tomorrow!
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
pretty bored...
So I'm not very good at keeping this thing lively and update, but thats okay cus no one actually ever reads this so I'm pretty much just talking to myself.
There's not a whole lot new. my laptop kicked the bucket and it was not worth the money I would have had to spent to get it fixed so I am writing from a brand spanking new desktop computer that I bought from best buy for SUPER cheap.
Hmm what else?
Tomorrow me and mommy are leaving for the weekend for a weekend extravaganza of shopping and chilling in the big city of Grandforks, North Dakota!!!! I'm actually uber exciting cus it'll be like a little mini vacation before my big one ya know.
Next wekend (May2-4) is YCMB so that'll be fun too. I'll be volunteering there again! YAY!
Then it's just 78 more days until I make my way to INdy for a summer full of sevice and Jesus and great times! I'm exciting and cannot wait!!
There's not a whole lot new. my laptop kicked the bucket and it was not worth the money I would have had to spent to get it fixed so I am writing from a brand spanking new desktop computer that I bought from best buy for SUPER cheap.
Hmm what else?
Tomorrow me and mommy are leaving for the weekend for a weekend extravaganza of shopping and chilling in the big city of Grandforks, North Dakota!!!! I'm actually uber exciting cus it'll be like a little mini vacation before my big one ya know.
Next wekend (May2-4) is YCMB so that'll be fun too. I'll be volunteering there again! YAY!
Then it's just 78 more days until I make my way to INdy for a summer full of sevice and Jesus and great times! I'm exciting and cannot wait!!
Friday, April 04, 2008
worst blogger ever
Ok! Ok! I know I'm a horrible horrible blogger for just putting up surveys recently. I haven't felt like writing much lately. But as of right now I kind of half feel like writing. We'll see how much I feel like spitting out.
So I'm sure I mentioned that I have officially been accepted to workcamps to spend three weeks in Indianapolis. I'm super excited. I've booked my flight, payed for my hotel for the 5 days after and everything. I'm pretty excited because I'm gonna have that completely payed off in less than a week I bet. Well maybe a little bit more. But with my somewhat decent income and the incredible income tax return that I'm getting back from the government as well as my birthday coming up, this trip is going to be more than affordable. Thank God for his goodness!!
I'm also working on getting on the sublist for the river east school division. I just have to go and take WEVAS which I'm doing in the next couple weeks. So things are going pretty good..
So how come when things are going so great I feel like I have to escape! I feel like I need to get out of here. Just completely get away!!Its amazing how much I can love God and see how much he's providing for me and hate myself at the same time. Is that even possible?
I decided that during my trip, I'm going to take my laptop with me and send emails to anyone that wants to hear about my experiences at workcamps, which i doubt is many at all...But anyways since I am bringing my laptop I don't feel much like bringing my cds as well, that's just one more thing that something can happen to. So instead I decided to actually use Itunes..... It's only been sitting on my computer for I don't even know how long.. right? So I started importing all my cds into my itunes... so far I've done 21 cds. I'm not gonna lie.. it takes a pretty long time for them all to be imported. But I figure why not. I can listen to them as much as I want. Plus I'm hoping to get an ipod for the plane ride but I won't be greedy about that. Maybe I'll get one when me and my mom go to Grand Forks for the weekend. I'm deeply looking forward to that.
Anyways I hope thats a satisfactory post..I would write more but this is a somewhat public blog and is open to everyone including some people that I don't want reading about my disheartening feeling in my chest and my discouragement.. I should deal with it... I just don't feel like it..
Not that anyone reads this anyways.
So I'm sure I mentioned that I have officially been accepted to workcamps to spend three weeks in Indianapolis. I'm super excited. I've booked my flight, payed for my hotel for the 5 days after and everything. I'm pretty excited because I'm gonna have that completely payed off in less than a week I bet. Well maybe a little bit more. But with my somewhat decent income and the incredible income tax return that I'm getting back from the government as well as my birthday coming up, this trip is going to be more than affordable. Thank God for his goodness!!
I'm also working on getting on the sublist for the river east school division. I just have to go and take WEVAS which I'm doing in the next couple weeks. So things are going pretty good..
So how come when things are going so great I feel like I have to escape! I feel like I need to get out of here. Just completely get away!!Its amazing how much I can love God and see how much he's providing for me and hate myself at the same time. Is that even possible?
I decided that during my trip, I'm going to take my laptop with me and send emails to anyone that wants to hear about my experiences at workcamps, which i doubt is many at all...But anyways since I am bringing my laptop I don't feel much like bringing my cds as well, that's just one more thing that something can happen to. So instead I decided to actually use Itunes..... It's only been sitting on my computer for I don't even know how long.. right? So I started importing all my cds into my itunes... so far I've done 21 cds. I'm not gonna lie.. it takes a pretty long time for them all to be imported. But I figure why not. I can listen to them as much as I want. Plus I'm hoping to get an ipod for the plane ride but I won't be greedy about that. Maybe I'll get one when me and my mom go to Grand Forks for the weekend. I'm deeply looking forward to that.
Anyways I hope thats a satisfactory post..I would write more but this is a somewhat public blog and is open to everyone including some people that I don't want reading about my disheartening feeling in my chest and my discouragement.. I should deal with it... I just don't feel like it..
Not that anyone reads this anyways.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
bullet #3
1. Would you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your boyfriend/Girlfriend?
yes.. but just because i forgive doesn't mean i have to continue being their friend
2. Where were you on your 16th birthday??
ummm.. i can't recall
3. Have you ever seen a live bat?
yup, they are creepy little buggers.
4. Is there anyone you hate?
hate? no... dislike. yes.
5. Are you single?
yes
6. Do you like the color orange?
depends.
7. Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
i always forgive, it's hard but oh well
8. Would you rather not eat or not sleep?
not eat. i love my sleep
9. Have you ever seen a real redneck?
any day i work at petland
10. Do you like tattoos and piercings?
i love them both
11. What size shoes do you wear?
9 depending on the make
12. What's your favorite season?
summer
13. Do you care if people talk smack about you?
yeah it hurts me
14. Do you like someone?
yes.
14. How much are you on the phone?
not much
15. Your name?
lauren
16. Are you in a good mood?
haha why yes i am.
7. Do you think people will exist forever?
nope
18. What is your sign?
cancer
19. Do you believe in luck?
i believe in blessings
20. Would you rather sky dive or bungee jump?
i want to do both. you got to have some thrill in your life.
21. Do you like snakes?
depends on the snake
22. Where is one place that you'd like to visit?
italy.
23. Do you like waffles?
of course.
24. Anything you're looking forward to?
yes alot of things. i hope it just doesn't go all wrong.
25. How long have you liked the person you like for?
hmmmmmmm... awhile
26. Does the number 23 have any significance to you?
well you see.......no
27. Be honest, do you like people in general?
to be honeset...no
28. Big or small dogs?
both
29. Do you like Big Macs?
no i don't
30. Did someone bother you today?
haha yes..
31. What do you think about death?
im just scared in general
32. Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
nope, i love being me.
33. Does someone love you?
no
35. Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a R?
nope
36. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
no
37. Got any nicknames?
yes, and im not even gonna start.
38. What color is your hair?
red
39. Do you like Starbucks?
looove it
40. Are you named after anyone?
i dunno they picked it out of a book
41. Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass or fail?
pass
42. Are you taller than 5'6"?
yes
43. Do you like the color blue?
its a favorite
44. How are you?
im really good.
5. Who was the last person to send you an IM?
can't remember
46. Last restaurant you went to?
boston pizza
48. Last voice mail you received?
i think it was from work
50. What would you do if you won five million dollars?
buy my own house, and travel. give to the family. etc/
52. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend?
alot of them.
53. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
haha no
54. What clothes are you wearing?
tank top, jeans
55. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
of course, i love road trips
56. Have you cried today?
nope, but the day is still young
57. Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
i'd like to think so
59. Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
not really but at the same time yes, cause your so called best friend might kno alot more about you than a friend would i guess there is a difference.
60. Do you miss anyone?
i do
61. Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone?
yea.
62. When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
friday?
63. What are your plans for tomorrow?
working
64. Can you touch your toes?
yes.
65. Do you know anybody who was abused?
yes
66. Is silence really golden?
no
67. Do you have any interesting tattoos/piercings?
no, i'm working on it
68. Are you afraid to grow up?
nope
69. Who were you with last night?
work
70. Can you count past 100?
uh yea. im not a retard.
71. What language are you taking?
none
72. Any upcoming vacations?
if july is upcoming than yes
73. If you had to marry someone on your top, who would it be?
hmmm.. no idea...
74. Do you care what people think of you?
i shouldn't but i do
75. Would you call yourself smart?
yes i would like to think so.
76. Do you like to read?
yes love it
77. Do you own a pair of Nike's?
not currently
78. Have you ever touched an elephant?
yes
79. What are you listening to?
a movie.
80. Is anything wrong?
nope nothing.
81. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
sure would
82. Where is three?
wtf thats stupid.
83. Do you want to go to college?
i just finished
84. Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)?
yea sometimes.
85. What did you do for your last birthday?
ate cake in my kitchen with some americans and a couple friends
86. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping
87. Name something you CANNOT wait for?
july 13
88. What's your favorite season?
k this is seriously repeating
89. Have you ever talked to Tom?
haha no
90. Last thing you drank/ate?
perogies
91. Have you ever ran with scissors?
o probably
92. Do you like peanut butter?
yes, i do.
93. Who’s making you feel the way you are right now?
myself?
94. Most visited web page?
facebook, gosh how i hate it. but love it.
95. Coke or Pepsi?
coke
96. Looking forward to something this weekend?
nope
97. How many siblings do you have?
2
98. Do you have any pets?
2dogs.
99. What's your favorite number?
9 or 4
100. What are you watching now?
muppets do manhattan
101. Do you know how to swim?
o yes. of course, i love it.
102. Is good grammar attractive?
yes haha..
103. Are you jealous of one or more of your friends?
yes
104. Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
nope
105. Are any of your friends taller than you?
not many of them
106. Have you ever been ditched by a friend?
haha who hasn't.
107. Where do your friends live?
most in winipeg some in usa
108. Have you lost or forgotten a friends phone number?
thats what a contact list is for
111. Needles aren't so horrible?
agreed
112. You have plenty of secrets?
i keep alot of secrets yes, but i personally don't have much, im a pretty open person.
113. Do you enjoy drama?i dont... well actually, mayb e a bit
yes.. but just because i forgive doesn't mean i have to continue being their friend
2. Where were you on your 16th birthday??
ummm.. i can't recall
3. Have you ever seen a live bat?
yup, they are creepy little buggers.
4. Is there anyone you hate?
hate? no... dislike. yes.
5. Are you single?
yes
6. Do you like the color orange?
depends.
7. Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
i always forgive, it's hard but oh well
8. Would you rather not eat or not sleep?
not eat. i love my sleep
9. Have you ever seen a real redneck?
any day i work at petland
10. Do you like tattoos and piercings?
i love them both
11. What size shoes do you wear?
9 depending on the make
12. What's your favorite season?
summer
13. Do you care if people talk smack about you?
yeah it hurts me
14. Do you like someone?
yes.
14. How much are you on the phone?
not much
15. Your name?
lauren
16. Are you in a good mood?
haha why yes i am.
7. Do you think people will exist forever?
nope
18. What is your sign?
cancer
19. Do you believe in luck?
i believe in blessings
20. Would you rather sky dive or bungee jump?
i want to do both. you got to have some thrill in your life.
21. Do you like snakes?
depends on the snake
22. Where is one place that you'd like to visit?
italy.
23. Do you like waffles?
of course.
24. Anything you're looking forward to?
yes alot of things. i hope it just doesn't go all wrong.
25. How long have you liked the person you like for?
hmmmmmmm... awhile
26. Does the number 23 have any significance to you?
well you see.......no
27. Be honest, do you like people in general?
to be honeset...no
28. Big or small dogs?
both
29. Do you like Big Macs?
no i don't
30. Did someone bother you today?
haha yes..
31. What do you think about death?
im just scared in general
32. Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
nope, i love being me.
33. Does someone love you?
no
35. Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a R?
nope
36. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
no
37. Got any nicknames?
yes, and im not even gonna start.
38. What color is your hair?
red
39. Do you like Starbucks?
looove it
40. Are you named after anyone?
i dunno they picked it out of a book
41. Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass or fail?
pass
42. Are you taller than 5'6"?
yes
43. Do you like the color blue?
its a favorite
44. How are you?
im really good.
5. Who was the last person to send you an IM?
can't remember
46. Last restaurant you went to?
boston pizza
48. Last voice mail you received?
i think it was from work
50. What would you do if you won five million dollars?
buy my own house, and travel. give to the family. etc/
52. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend?
alot of them.
53. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
haha no
54. What clothes are you wearing?
tank top, jeans
55. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
of course, i love road trips
56. Have you cried today?
nope, but the day is still young
57. Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
i'd like to think so
59. Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
not really but at the same time yes, cause your so called best friend might kno alot more about you than a friend would i guess there is a difference.
60. Do you miss anyone?
i do
61. Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone?
yea.
62. When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
friday?
63. What are your plans for tomorrow?
working
64. Can you touch your toes?
yes.
65. Do you know anybody who was abused?
yes
66. Is silence really golden?
no
67. Do you have any interesting tattoos/piercings?
no, i'm working on it
68. Are you afraid to grow up?
nope
69. Who were you with last night?
work
70. Can you count past 100?
uh yea. im not a retard.
71. What language are you taking?
none
72. Any upcoming vacations?
if july is upcoming than yes
73. If you had to marry someone on your top, who would it be?
hmmm.. no idea...
74. Do you care what people think of you?
i shouldn't but i do
75. Would you call yourself smart?
yes i would like to think so.
76. Do you like to read?
yes love it
77. Do you own a pair of Nike's?
not currently
78. Have you ever touched an elephant?
yes
79. What are you listening to?
a movie.
80. Is anything wrong?
nope nothing.
81. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
sure would
82. Where is three?
wtf thats stupid.
83. Do you want to go to college?
i just finished
84. Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)?
yea sometimes.
85. What did you do for your last birthday?
ate cake in my kitchen with some americans and a couple friends
86. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping
87. Name something you CANNOT wait for?
july 13
88. What's your favorite season?
k this is seriously repeating
89. Have you ever talked to Tom?
haha no
90. Last thing you drank/ate?
perogies
91. Have you ever ran with scissors?
o probably
92. Do you like peanut butter?
yes, i do.
93. Who’s making you feel the way you are right now?
myself?
94. Most visited web page?
facebook, gosh how i hate it. but love it.
95. Coke or Pepsi?
coke
96. Looking forward to something this weekend?
nope
97. How many siblings do you have?
2
98. Do you have any pets?
2dogs.
99. What's your favorite number?
9 or 4
100. What are you watching now?
muppets do manhattan
101. Do you know how to swim?
o yes. of course, i love it.
102. Is good grammar attractive?
yes haha..
103. Are you jealous of one or more of your friends?
yes
104. Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
nope
105. Are any of your friends taller than you?
not many of them
106. Have you ever been ditched by a friend?
haha who hasn't.
107. Where do your friends live?
most in winipeg some in usa
108. Have you lost or forgotten a friends phone number?
thats what a contact list is for
111. Needles aren't so horrible?
agreed
112. You have plenty of secrets?
i keep alot of secrets yes, but i personally don't have much, im a pretty open person.
113. Do you enjoy drama?i dont... well actually, mayb e a bit
Thursday, March 27, 2008
thats 2 bullets...
If the person who hurt you the most recently apologized, what would you do?
forgiveness is good for the soul...
Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?
can't say i do
Are you a morning person or a night?
Not Really Morning, So NIght I Guess.
Are you there for your friends?
Yes
Are you a forgiving person?
Pretty Much. Ill Be Mad For Like A Day.
Do you smoke on the regular?
gross!!
Are you mad at anyone?
nope
Are you an aunt or an uncle?
Nope
Who was the last person you ate with?
me and vanessa and alana had mucho popcorn
Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?
momma
Are you feeling uneasy about something lately?
nope
Do you have plans for your next birthday?
Nope... everyone is gone for it
Where are your top three friends right now?
um i don't really have top freinds
Ever punched somebody or been punched?
Yeahh
Do you want children?
Someday.
You're in the hospital, who of your friends would come visit you?
none
Anyone from your past come to mind often?
Not Often. Every Once and Awhile.
Are you a jealous person?
Depends
Is your birthday on a holiday?
nope
What does your last text in your inbox say and from who?
It's from alana telling me she forgot star troll at josh's
What was the last text you sent out?
to alana telling her i'll bring it tomorrow
Do you wish somebody would call you? And why?
Yeah, Im Bored
Do you have a job?
yes
Is there someone you want to fight?
Nope
Does anyone like you?
nope
What's annoying you right now?
my bowel
Whats your middle name?
patricia
Where were you last night?
youth
Where were you at noon yesterday?
the dog park?
Next vacation your going to?
INDIANAPOLIS!!!!
Do you like where you live?
it's not bad
What's something you really want right now?
to poop
What color is your hair?
red-ish
Do you find yourself loved?
meh
Whats the closest blue thing to you right now?
my retainer?
What is your natural hair color?
red-ish
If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
it's hard to say, are there wild animals?
Who do you text the most?:
Whoever Texts me
Do you get along with your parents?
sometimes
Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
indianapolis
Are you flexible?
Kinda?
What did you do on New Years Eve?
new years at the wachals
Was your mom there?
Nope
Can you speak any other language than English?
grade 9 french
What are you excited for?
Indianapolis
i'd write more but i have to poop
forgiveness is good for the soul...
Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?
can't say i do
Are you a morning person or a night?
Not Really Morning, So NIght I Guess.
Are you there for your friends?
Yes
Are you a forgiving person?
Pretty Much. Ill Be Mad For Like A Day.
Do you smoke on the regular?
gross!!
Are you mad at anyone?
nope
Are you an aunt or an uncle?
Nope
Who was the last person you ate with?
me and vanessa and alana had mucho popcorn
Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?
momma
Are you feeling uneasy about something lately?
nope
Do you have plans for your next birthday?
Nope... everyone is gone for it
Where are your top three friends right now?
um i don't really have top freinds
Ever punched somebody or been punched?
Yeahh
Do you want children?
Someday.
You're in the hospital, who of your friends would come visit you?
none
Anyone from your past come to mind often?
Not Often. Every Once and Awhile.
Are you a jealous person?
Depends
Is your birthday on a holiday?
nope
What does your last text in your inbox say and from who?
It's from alana telling me she forgot star troll at josh's
What was the last text you sent out?
to alana telling her i'll bring it tomorrow
Do you wish somebody would call you? And why?
Yeah, Im Bored
Do you have a job?
yes
Is there someone you want to fight?
Nope
Does anyone like you?
nope
What's annoying you right now?
my bowel
Whats your middle name?
patricia
Where were you last night?
youth
Where were you at noon yesterday?
the dog park?
Next vacation your going to?
INDIANAPOLIS!!!!
Do you like where you live?
it's not bad
What's something you really want right now?
to poop
What color is your hair?
red-ish
Do you find yourself loved?
meh
Whats the closest blue thing to you right now?
my retainer?
What is your natural hair color?
red-ish
If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
it's hard to say, are there wild animals?
Who do you text the most?:
Whoever Texts me
Do you get along with your parents?
sometimes
Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
indianapolis
Are you flexible?
Kinda?
What did you do on New Years Eve?
new years at the wachals
Was your mom there?
Nope
Can you speak any other language than English?
grade 9 french
What are you excited for?
Indianapolis
i'd write more but i have to poop
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
people who survey answers in blogs should be shot...
1. If your being extremely quiet whats it mean?
That I'm In A Bad Mood, or Upset About Something
2. If someone hit you, what would you do?
hit back
3. Do you still have feelings for your ex?
No
4. Have you ever had a one night stand?
No
5. If so would you again? and if not, would you?
...
6. Last time you laughed?
Today, at some point, probably at work
7. Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
nope
8. Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
Nope
9. Would you ever date your best friend (of the opposite sex)?
why yes, yes i would
10. Have you ever received sexy pics from someone?
i sure haven't
11. Do you regret anything from your past?
who doesnt
12. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
its not worth it, i wouldnt
13. How do you react when people cry around you?
i usually start crying
14. Do you bump into someones arm if you want to hold their hand?
No, thats kinda lame
15. Last argument?
Not Sure
16 have u kissed someone recently?
nope
17. Would you kiss them again?
see previous answer
18. Are you jealous of this person?
huh?
19 Do you have a crush?
yes
20. Do you know how to belly dance?
Yes
21. What are you listening to?
Hannah Montana WHAT!
22. Last beverage?
chocolate milk
23. Last nap?
when i sleep at night
24. Do you own a planner?
i do not, i write notes on my hands
27. Favorite month?
Warm Ones
28. Would your parents be mad if you got pregnant?
yeah but i don't think they'd disown my or anything
29. Would your parents be mad if you were in a inter-racial relationship?
No, but i wouldn't take them to my extended family christmas.. my parents don't mind, but my great grandma and grandparents might
30. Would they be mad if you were gay/lesbian?
no clue
31. What are you doing Saturday?
either mini golf or 725
32. Sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?
i honestly couldn't tell you
33. celebrity most like you?
there are none
34. Kiss on the first date?
Nah
35. Are you a slut/man whore?
nope
36. Fav color?
green, purple,blue, pink
37. Are you racist?
Heck No
38. Excited for anything?
INDY!!!
39. Ever had sex with two different people in ONE day?
No can't say i have.. what kind of survey is this?
40. Would you ever steal someones boyfriend or girlfriend?
No
42. Last time you were confused?
Probably Today
44. If you could cuddle with anyone right now who would you pick?
no comment
45. Have you ever done something behind your best friend's back and never told them even though you know you should? i think i've come clean on alot
47. Rent a movie or go to movies?
Both
48. Been to Mexico?
Nope
49. Own a gun?
No
50. Happy with life?
Yes!
SO I'm 100% done school, which is absolutely wonderful. I passed and i got a wonderful evaluation from the school i was at. And I also heard back form Group workcamps!!! i'm Super excited because i am going to indianpolis for three weeks starting on july 13. I'm super excited and cannot wait. I bought my plane tickets tonight.
Umm things are a little bit better. with how i'm feeling that is.
Tonight Josh gave a great message and it really helped out alot.
Other than that, i'm outta here
That I'm In A Bad Mood, or Upset About Something
2. If someone hit you, what would you do?
hit back
3. Do you still have feelings for your ex?
No
4. Have you ever had a one night stand?
No
5. If so would you again? and if not, would you?
...
6. Last time you laughed?
Today, at some point, probably at work
7. Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
nope
8. Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
Nope
9. Would you ever date your best friend (of the opposite sex)?
why yes, yes i would
10. Have you ever received sexy pics from someone?
i sure haven't
11. Do you regret anything from your past?
who doesnt
12. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
its not worth it, i wouldnt
13. How do you react when people cry around you?
i usually start crying
14. Do you bump into someones arm if you want to hold their hand?
No, thats kinda lame
15. Last argument?
Not Sure
16 have u kissed someone recently?
nope
17. Would you kiss them again?
see previous answer
18. Are you jealous of this person?
huh?
19 Do you have a crush?
yes
20. Do you know how to belly dance?
Yes
21. What are you listening to?
Hannah Montana WHAT!
22. Last beverage?
chocolate milk
23. Last nap?
when i sleep at night
24. Do you own a planner?
i do not, i write notes on my hands
27. Favorite month?
Warm Ones
28. Would your parents be mad if you got pregnant?
yeah but i don't think they'd disown my or anything
29. Would your parents be mad if you were in a inter-racial relationship?
No, but i wouldn't take them to my extended family christmas.. my parents don't mind, but my great grandma and grandparents might
30. Would they be mad if you were gay/lesbian?
no clue
31. What are you doing Saturday?
either mini golf or 725
32. Sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?
i honestly couldn't tell you
33. celebrity most like you?
there are none
34. Kiss on the first date?
Nah
35. Are you a slut/man whore?
nope
36. Fav color?
green, purple,blue, pink
37. Are you racist?
Heck No
38. Excited for anything?
INDY!!!
39. Ever had sex with two different people in ONE day?
No can't say i have.. what kind of survey is this?
40. Would you ever steal someones boyfriend or girlfriend?
No
42. Last time you were confused?
Probably Today
44. If you could cuddle with anyone right now who would you pick?
no comment
45. Have you ever done something behind your best friend's back and never told them even though you know you should? i think i've come clean on alot
47. Rent a movie or go to movies?
Both
48. Been to Mexico?
Nope
49. Own a gun?
No
50. Happy with life?
Yes!
SO I'm 100% done school, which is absolutely wonderful. I passed and i got a wonderful evaluation from the school i was at. And I also heard back form Group workcamps!!! i'm Super excited because i am going to indianpolis for three weeks starting on july 13. I'm super excited and cannot wait. I bought my plane tickets tonight.
Umm things are a little bit better. with how i'm feeling that is.
Tonight Josh gave a great message and it really helped out alot.
Other than that, i'm outta here
Saturday, March 15, 2008
March came in like A Lion...
Well It's already March, I can hardly believe it. School Is completely over as of yesterday. It's exciting, I'll be hopefully starting a career soon.l I think I did well on my three week of practicum, I think I really stepped it up and got 'er done.
Today I also got my CPR and first Aid certificate, so if you get hurt of knocked unconscious and aren't breathing, I can help you, and I can even zap your heart into rhythm again if there's a defibrillator around. So don't you worry about a thing. HA
So i applied to volunteer with Group Workcamps over the summer, hopefully in Indianapolis. I did my video interview already and sent it in, they said they'd call by the end of the week, but they haven't yet. I'm getting kinda stressed about it. I'm just praying that everything will work out and that I'll be able to serve God this summer.
Other than that I really don't think there's much else new.
Youth is great.. well for the kids at least. I on the other hand am rather discouraged, it feels like i don't matter there and lately like I should just quit. I don't know maybe it's just a spiritual attack, but every time I'm there I want to leave within a few minutes and just run far far away.
I gotta start praying for finances too. If I do end up going this summer I'll have to save up some cash before I go, and if you know me well then you know I am NOT good at saving money.
Thats about it, if you wanna watch my video interview it's at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n04_9AJOAfQ please leave comments!
Today I also got my CPR and first Aid certificate, so if you get hurt of knocked unconscious and aren't breathing, I can help you, and I can even zap your heart into rhythm again if there's a defibrillator around. So don't you worry about a thing. HA
So i applied to volunteer with Group Workcamps over the summer, hopefully in Indianapolis. I did my video interview already and sent it in, they said they'd call by the end of the week, but they haven't yet. I'm getting kinda stressed about it. I'm just praying that everything will work out and that I'll be able to serve God this summer.
Other than that I really don't think there's much else new.
Youth is great.. well for the kids at least. I on the other hand am rather discouraged, it feels like i don't matter there and lately like I should just quit. I don't know maybe it's just a spiritual attack, but every time I'm there I want to leave within a few minutes and just run far far away.
I gotta start praying for finances too. If I do end up going this summer I'll have to save up some cash before I go, and if you know me well then you know I am NOT good at saving money.
Thats about it, if you wanna watch my video interview it's at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n04_9AJOAfQ please leave comments!
Friday, February 01, 2008
THis kiiiiiiiind of sucks
well howdy there my friends. It's been a while since i've posted and amen to that because it guess that just means i'll have a long more interesting post for you.
School has been different it's been really slack and to be honest i've completely lost all my drive for it. i've been really discouraged and disheartened about the whole thing and it leaves me kinda of bitter.
things at home are meh.
Theres a huge chance amy, my brother's now ex gf, may have cancer and she's left my brother in the rain because she feels she has to do it herself, that's well and dandy but it's pretty much turned out home upside down. my brother is miserable and it's reflected everywhere in our house, and he's even threatened to move away. i guess i understand but i'm not happy.
it makes me cry whenever i think about it...
on second thought, i really don't wanna write right now.
sorry
School has been different it's been really slack and to be honest i've completely lost all my drive for it. i've been really discouraged and disheartened about the whole thing and it leaves me kinda of bitter.
things at home are meh.
Theres a huge chance amy, my brother's now ex gf, may have cancer and she's left my brother in the rain because she feels she has to do it herself, that's well and dandy but it's pretty much turned out home upside down. my brother is miserable and it's reflected everywhere in our house, and he's even threatened to move away. i guess i understand but i'm not happy.
it makes me cry whenever i think about it...
on second thought, i really don't wanna write right now.
sorry
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
a goood break
So Christmas has most definitely been a wonderful break. I worked super a lot and made lots of money which was great. I got everything I asked for Christmas, my moccasins, family force 5, David Crowder Band, Harry Potter 5, a curling iron, Degrassi High the complete series, Lost season 3. It was pretty wicked Christmas.
Also I have a new respect and Love for my brother Ryan. I have come to see that he really is nice guy and I don't give him nearly enough credit.
Also my friend Andrew from work camps came to visit for a week for new years. We had lots of fun, we went golfing and went to a party and to a moose game and sledding and skating. I was more active in this week than I have been in a long time.
I go back to school on Monday. I am kinda ready to go back. I think school is gonna be pretty easy after the break. I'm not worried about stress or anything, I'm really ready to get 'er done. It'll be good.
Other than that not much is new.
I work this weekend, minus sunday and that's about it.
Have a happy New year all!
Also I have a new respect and Love for my brother Ryan. I have come to see that he really is nice guy and I don't give him nearly enough credit.
Also my friend Andrew from work camps came to visit for a week for new years. We had lots of fun, we went golfing and went to a party and to a moose game and sledding and skating. I was more active in this week than I have been in a long time.
I go back to school on Monday. I am kinda ready to go back. I think school is gonna be pretty easy after the break. I'm not worried about stress or anything, I'm really ready to get 'er done. It'll be good.
Other than that not much is new.
I work this weekend, minus sunday and that's about it.
Have a happy New year all!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Schooooool is done
So the last week was absolute crap!
So we did our presentation on monday, it sucked. one of the members of our group sat there and spoke in this none enthusiastic voice. Then when the teacherwent to talk to us about it she stormed out of the room and screamed the f bomb and punched the wall. It was pretty ridiculous!!!! Then we didn't talk to that person for pretty much the whole week.
Then pretty much everyone else in our class is being a biz too so it was so just a grumpy vibe all the way.
Although i had 4 tests, 1 thursday and 3 on friday, and i'm pretty sure i did well on all of them. which is pretty exciting.
thats pretty much is
we'll see how christmas goes
So we did our presentation on monday, it sucked. one of the members of our group sat there and spoke in this none enthusiastic voice. Then when the teacherwent to talk to us about it she stormed out of the room and screamed the f bomb and punched the wall. It was pretty ridiculous!!!! Then we didn't talk to that person for pretty much the whole week.
Then pretty much everyone else in our class is being a biz too so it was so just a grumpy vibe all the way.
Although i had 4 tests, 1 thursday and 3 on friday, and i'm pretty sure i did well on all of them. which is pretty exciting.
thats pretty much is
we'll see how christmas goes
Sunday, December 02, 2007
i don't care..and i feel so refereshed
well yesterday was a downfall for me. i felt like pooh! good news i feel way better now.
After the church service, even though the topic had nothing to do with stuff that i was feeling bumbed about, i felt very relieved and peaceful! I know that God will take care of this thing with nick and when he does I will be very thankful for whatever his plan is.
Plus my laptop is working! yahoo!! thank you Jesus! there's no way i could afford to fix it if it didn't work.
I'm still praying for that job so here's my prayer for today.
Dear God,
Thank you sooo soo so much for all the blessings you have given me, Lord God, and I think you that you're a part of my life. God, I just pray that you help me with the things I'm still struggling with, swearing, using you name in vain, gossiping, lying, and so much more Lord, I pray for your forgiveness in that area and I pray that you give me the strength to turn away. Lord, I also pray that you help with love others. I'm so terrible and showing love towards people when I first meet people... I often dislike people until they give me a reason to like them Lord, and I don't want it to be like that. God, I want to love them at first chance, God.
God I just pray now as well for this situation at the school, Lord, I just want that job so much, and God, they've made it clear that they want me there too. God, I just pray that it doesn't change and that they don't go back on what they said, and they my hopes aren't shot down, Lord. Please, God, just place me in that school permanently.
God I want to lift up the church. Lord, as we just elected new elders I pray that they seek you and that you steer the church through them Lord, and that we as a congregation can encourage and support them. Lord, I just pray you be with them in all their decisions.
God, I pray for Josh, Kiel, Erin and Mel as they travel home Lord God. I pray that you protect them and keep them safe on their road Lord God. And that you just continue to be in the hearts and minds as they return home to share new and exiting things with our youth, Lord, I pray for the youth. God I pray for you just to reveal yourself in huge ways Lord. Lord open these youth's eyes to you like they've never seen before Lord God. And Lord just open their hearts so they they can be closer to you God. God I just thank you so much again for the blessings that you've given Lord. You have given so much Lord. And as you continue to show yourself God, I just pray that I don't get caught up with pointless things God and that I am able to stay thankful and continue to praise and worship you for your Goodness and love.
Amen
After the church service, even though the topic had nothing to do with stuff that i was feeling bumbed about, i felt very relieved and peaceful! I know that God will take care of this thing with nick and when he does I will be very thankful for whatever his plan is.
Plus my laptop is working! yahoo!! thank you Jesus! there's no way i could afford to fix it if it didn't work.
I'm still praying for that job so here's my prayer for today.
Dear God,
Thank you sooo soo so much for all the blessings you have given me, Lord God, and I think you that you're a part of my life. God, I just pray that you help me with the things I'm still struggling with, swearing, using you name in vain, gossiping, lying, and so much more Lord, I pray for your forgiveness in that area and I pray that you give me the strength to turn away. Lord, I also pray that you help with love others. I'm so terrible and showing love towards people when I first meet people... I often dislike people until they give me a reason to like them Lord, and I don't want it to be like that. God, I want to love them at first chance, God.
God I just pray now as well for this situation at the school, Lord, I just want that job so much, and God, they've made it clear that they want me there too. God, I just pray that it doesn't change and that they don't go back on what they said, and they my hopes aren't shot down, Lord. Please, God, just place me in that school permanently.
God I want to lift up the church. Lord, as we just elected new elders I pray that they seek you and that you steer the church through them Lord, and that we as a congregation can encourage and support them. Lord, I just pray you be with them in all their decisions.
God, I pray for Josh, Kiel, Erin and Mel as they travel home Lord God. I pray that you protect them and keep them safe on their road Lord God. And that you just continue to be in the hearts and minds as they return home to share new and exiting things with our youth, Lord, I pray for the youth. God I pray for you just to reveal yourself in huge ways Lord. Lord open these youth's eyes to you like they've never seen before Lord God. And Lord just open their hearts so they they can be closer to you God. God I just thank you so much again for the blessings that you've given Lord. You have given so much Lord. And as you continue to show yourself God, I just pray that I don't get caught up with pointless things God and that I am able to stay thankful and continue to praise and worship you for your Goodness and love.
Amen
Saturday, December 01, 2007
why is it?
tell me why is it that you can be on the highest mountain one minute and on the deepest valley the next? it's really bazarre.
For instance, my mountain:
I was so thrilled and estatic to find out there is a very large possiblity that I'll be able to work at the school I'm doing practicum at because it seems that they really like me and the resource teacher pretty much flat out told me that she wants me there next year to take the place of a girl that's going to be going to grad school next year. So that was extremely joyful.
Now my valley:
after everything seemed fine, me and my friend are finally on the outs completely after their pyscho girl friend lied and said I did something I didn't do. So now I'm blocked and she's got full control!
Now only that but I feel like total crap and a useless lump whenever I go to youth now. I don't feel like I make any sort of difference there anymore. AND to top it all off my Laptop is completely bunking out!
and yet i feel terrible cus I feel like I'm only focussing in on the bad stuff!
lets go back to my mountain!
I'm extremely thankful for the blessing I've been giving to have the opportunity to work at this school and for the fact that i've heard that they want to keep me!
I'm just praying that i don't have my hopes suddenly snubbed down... I will be heart broken!
Who knows what this week will bring. I'm praying that I don't have a mental breakdown!
For instance, my mountain:
I was so thrilled and estatic to find out there is a very large possiblity that I'll be able to work at the school I'm doing practicum at because it seems that they really like me and the resource teacher pretty much flat out told me that she wants me there next year to take the place of a girl that's going to be going to grad school next year. So that was extremely joyful.
Now my valley:
after everything seemed fine, me and my friend are finally on the outs completely after their pyscho girl friend lied and said I did something I didn't do. So now I'm blocked and she's got full control!
Now only that but I feel like total crap and a useless lump whenever I go to youth now. I don't feel like I make any sort of difference there anymore. AND to top it all off my Laptop is completely bunking out!
and yet i feel terrible cus I feel like I'm only focussing in on the bad stuff!
lets go back to my mountain!
I'm extremely thankful for the blessing I've been giving to have the opportunity to work at this school and for the fact that i've heard that they want to keep me!
I'm just praying that i don't have my hopes suddenly snubbed down... I will be heart broken!
Who knows what this week will bring. I'm praying that I don't have a mental breakdown!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
That was Then and this is now
So is it cliche to name a particular post after the name of you're entire blog? I hope not because the title suits this particular post very well... atleast what i have planned for it in my head.
So I've been reading all my past posts and I have to tell you that, if I had a time machine, I would god back and punch myself in the face.
I can't believe how bitter and angry and how easy I gave up on things. I didn't have answers to questions, so according to past me God can't exist, that because people don't keep in touch that things are horrible and I should hate them for it. All ridiculous things that I wish I never wrote.
Now when I think about things I realize that friendship is a two party action. I know that God does not always provide answers as to why some things are certain ways, but at the same time I know that he is good and that one day I will have the answers that I was always looking for, I probably won't care because I'll be far too happy in heaven.. but I will be knowing. I have utter confident that my God loves me and his spirit is a part of me. No matter how tried to get away back then, my faith was always a part of me, no matter what happens, once you have God he will keep knocking at your door. He never let go of me, I tried to let go off him, but he held on with a pinky and once the momentum was ready, he scooped me back, and I cannot be more thankful.
Even though I am so very dissapointed at the way I treated others and tried to abandon him, I am however thankful that I can use that experience to witness and show people that we're not perfect that we are human and we do stumble.
I am very excited for things are explicit truth right now. I really think God will use our leadership and our students to do big things. And I'm even more excited that in our leaders meeting we acknowledged the fact that we shouldn't be put on a pedastile and that we should be truthful and honest and show them that we have struggles and that we're working on our faith just as much as they are working on theirs, and that makes me even happier because I don't want to pretend I'm perfect nor do I want the kids to think that I am.
I was even able to share a story of my grade 10 horrible year with a girl. Even being able to use something like that to minister is just amazing. God is Good all the time. and All the time God is good!
Tomorrow is week 2 of practicum... we'll see how that goes.
So I've been reading all my past posts and I have to tell you that, if I had a time machine, I would god back and punch myself in the face.
I can't believe how bitter and angry and how easy I gave up on things. I didn't have answers to questions, so according to past me God can't exist, that because people don't keep in touch that things are horrible and I should hate them for it. All ridiculous things that I wish I never wrote.
Now when I think about things I realize that friendship is a two party action. I know that God does not always provide answers as to why some things are certain ways, but at the same time I know that he is good and that one day I will have the answers that I was always looking for, I probably won't care because I'll be far too happy in heaven.. but I will be knowing. I have utter confident that my God loves me and his spirit is a part of me. No matter how tried to get away back then, my faith was always a part of me, no matter what happens, once you have God he will keep knocking at your door. He never let go of me, I tried to let go off him, but he held on with a pinky and once the momentum was ready, he scooped me back, and I cannot be more thankful.
Even though I am so very dissapointed at the way I treated others and tried to abandon him, I am however thankful that I can use that experience to witness and show people that we're not perfect that we are human and we do stumble.
I am very excited for things are explicit truth right now. I really think God will use our leadership and our students to do big things. And I'm even more excited that in our leaders meeting we acknowledged the fact that we shouldn't be put on a pedastile and that we should be truthful and honest and show them that we have struggles and that we're working on our faith just as much as they are working on theirs, and that makes me even happier because I don't want to pretend I'm perfect nor do I want the kids to think that I am.
I was even able to share a story of my grade 10 horrible year with a girl. Even being able to use something like that to minister is just amazing. God is Good all the time. and All the time God is good!
Tomorrow is week 2 of practicum... we'll see how that goes.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
It's been a long time... shouldn't have left you, without a dope blog to step to..
Well campers, it's been over a year since I've last took time to sit down and write in the thing that the internet literate call the blog. Since then so much has happened in my life I can't even begin to write it all. But I think I will try.
In the summer of 2006 I felt a calling back to Albright church and the explicit truth student ministries. They welcomed me back as a SPit. I then began to slowly gain my relationship with my God back.
I took the 2006-07 school year off and worked at Petland full time as head kennel tech and it worked out well until about February until I decided that the class window in kennel four had to die. I then kicked it in and tried to quit my job while my boss was out of town. When she came back she decided to ask me to stay as the stock manager and I did take it and worked there again full time. Until about June, when i quit and took a job with Telus mobility to sell cell phones...that lasted all of three days and I was then unemployed. Luckily I was then offered a job at Petland Main street.......that didn't exactly work out well as I quit there by the beginning of August... which I then begged for my job at crossroads back. I am currently working there on weekends while I go to school...
There is another big change that I never saw coming. After a puppy at work had a large cut on his leg and I had to witness surgery and stitching on that leg..I realized that I had a very week stomach for the sight and smell of a bleeding wound. Upon that realization another hit.... I definitely should not be a nurse. I decided to drop out of the Joint Baccalaureate Nursing program at Red River College. So what then to do.. I truly had no idea.. in rolls Becky to save the day and tell me that she's taking the Para-Education Program at Red River....why not I'll give er a try...best decision I have ever made...not only do I get to hang out with my two friends, Becky and Andrea, every day, but I am also truly enjoying the program and all it had brought my so far; including several opportunities to share my faith with other people. I have never done as well in school as I am right now.
I am also a sponsor once again this year at youth. Once again I am truly enjoying it. Not only do I get to spend my Wednesday and Friday nights with the most amazing youth in the entire world, and work with the most amazing team of leaders in the entire world, but I am also so very thankful that I'm building my faith up more and more everyday.
One October 19-21 we had our yearly fall retreat at echo lake bible camp. On the way back, while about 10 minutes out side of Brandon, three of our seven cars got into a a fairly serious accident, which resulted in seven of our youth going to the hospital. However, non of the injuries were serious and all were able to go home that night. Looking at the cars though, I can honestly say that if you weren't aware of what took place, you would think someone had died. I am very thankful to God that no one was injured and for all the several blessings that have come out of it. For the first time of my five years at the youth group, we don't have the problem we always had with cliques. Everyone just loves and accepts everyone now, the way it should have been. Students are diving deeper and deeper into their faith. We have students who are picking up their bibles to read it for the first time in long time if not the first time in general, and we have students who are interested in being baptized! It is very exciting to be apart of the church right now and I can see God working in big ways and I can see him continuing to do big things in the future!
However after a somewhat discouraging night on Friday, I find myself asking myself whether or not I actually make a difference in these kid's lives and I have wondered for the last five days whether or not I should continue in this ministry. I love the youth there with all m heart, but to be completely honest I feel very discouraged.
So I beg of my God, light my fire up and help me feel encouraged, whether it be through encouragement through friends or whether you help me realize some how that I am needed and I am being used. God, help me to be a positive role model for these kids and turn away from the things that I keep falling into. Help me keep my sadness under control, God, I can only do this through you.
Now I must go to sleep or else I may pass out. The next few weeks are going to be tiring and strenuous on my body and I'm praying that I am able to get through it with no/as little grumpiness as possible.
In the summer of 2006 I felt a calling back to Albright church and the explicit truth student ministries. They welcomed me back as a SPit. I then began to slowly gain my relationship with my God back.
I took the 2006-07 school year off and worked at Petland full time as head kennel tech and it worked out well until about February until I decided that the class window in kennel four had to die. I then kicked it in and tried to quit my job while my boss was out of town. When she came back she decided to ask me to stay as the stock manager and I did take it and worked there again full time. Until about June, when i quit and took a job with Telus mobility to sell cell phones...that lasted all of three days and I was then unemployed. Luckily I was then offered a job at Petland Main street.......that didn't exactly work out well as I quit there by the beginning of August... which I then begged for my job at crossroads back. I am currently working there on weekends while I go to school...
There is another big change that I never saw coming. After a puppy at work had a large cut on his leg and I had to witness surgery and stitching on that leg..I realized that I had a very week stomach for the sight and smell of a bleeding wound. Upon that realization another hit.... I definitely should not be a nurse. I decided to drop out of the Joint Baccalaureate Nursing program at Red River College. So what then to do.. I truly had no idea.. in rolls Becky to save the day and tell me that she's taking the Para-Education Program at Red River....why not I'll give er a try...best decision I have ever made...not only do I get to hang out with my two friends, Becky and Andrea, every day, but I am also truly enjoying the program and all it had brought my so far; including several opportunities to share my faith with other people. I have never done as well in school as I am right now.
I am also a sponsor once again this year at youth. Once again I am truly enjoying it. Not only do I get to spend my Wednesday and Friday nights with the most amazing youth in the entire world, and work with the most amazing team of leaders in the entire world, but I am also so very thankful that I'm building my faith up more and more everyday.
One October 19-21 we had our yearly fall retreat at echo lake bible camp. On the way back, while about 10 minutes out side of Brandon, three of our seven cars got into a a fairly serious accident, which resulted in seven of our youth going to the hospital. However, non of the injuries were serious and all were able to go home that night. Looking at the cars though, I can honestly say that if you weren't aware of what took place, you would think someone had died. I am very thankful to God that no one was injured and for all the several blessings that have come out of it. For the first time of my five years at the youth group, we don't have the problem we always had with cliques. Everyone just loves and accepts everyone now, the way it should have been. Students are diving deeper and deeper into their faith. We have students who are picking up their bibles to read it for the first time in long time if not the first time in general, and we have students who are interested in being baptized! It is very exciting to be apart of the church right now and I can see God working in big ways and I can see him continuing to do big things in the future!
However after a somewhat discouraging night on Friday, I find myself asking myself whether or not I actually make a difference in these kid's lives and I have wondered for the last five days whether or not I should continue in this ministry. I love the youth there with all m heart, but to be completely honest I feel very discouraged.
So I beg of my God, light my fire up and help me feel encouraged, whether it be through encouragement through friends or whether you help me realize some how that I am needed and I am being used. God, help me to be a positive role model for these kids and turn away from the things that I keep falling into. Help me keep my sadness under control, God, I can only do this through you.
Now I must go to sleep or else I may pass out. The next few weeks are going to be tiring and strenuous on my body and I'm praying that I am able to get through it with no/as little grumpiness as possible.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
all arounnd great- so why do i feel like shit
| So i had an amazing summer. It was pretty much the best, not gonna lie. I left august 1st and went to indy until the 8th. I had so much fun. Robbie picked me up at the airport, i stayed at his house and it was pretty much just a week of me hanging out with him. It was lovley. it wasn't like we hadn't seen eachother in 2 years, it was just like, hey whats up. i miss him, wow. I came back to work to find out i am goiing to be head kennel tech coming up. so that's pretty sweet. So everything is wonderufl, my summer has been wonderful, so here's me wondering why exactly I feel like crap. I'm still struggling about believes, visiting robbie and going to his church but me back towards the christian side, but at the same time i'm still battling myself towards the anti. but i did go to church sunday. I don't know it's weird. I also have been thinking about being a spit (sponser in training) for my old youth group, like suddenly I have this thought in my head, kinda how it happened when i was a camp councellor. So i emailed josh asking 1) what was involved in being a spit 2) how one becomes a spit. I honestly wouldn't be surprisedif he flat out told me no though, just because of the conversations i've had with him in the past. i guess we'll so though i'll keep you posted |
Saturday, July 22, 2006
the new and exciting in the life of lauren
so i don't even know how long it's been since i've actually written in here. I don't plan on going back and actually looking. I don't even really care because i'm sure I was a completely different person when I wrote that stuff. unsure of myself and all that. Things have changed. I've changed. I know me. I know i'm happy with me, and I know that i don't believe in the same stuff and I'm happy about that, cus that stuff doesn't make any sense in my head. So the store inspection at petland went well (dean came july 5) i did really well. Dean complimented me on the floor pens and he also told natalie that was the best he's ever actually seen the kennels look. Yay me. The next week the managers, mike, lori and nat, had a meeting. In the meeting they talked about my promotion to head kennel tech. Lori still hasn't talked to me and gave it to me yet, but atlead i know it's coming. Tomorrow I work from 9-5:30, after that there's a potluck at Lori's, pool party that is. It'll be lots of fun, i hope.Also big news. So i was supposed to go visit robbie july 1-7 but i decided to stay and work on getting my promotion. So now i know i'm getting it so we have it planned and it's for certain that i am now going to visit august 1-8. That's in 10 days! oh i'm so excited.I leave the 1st at 7:30am. I arrive in minneapolis at about 10:51 where i connect flights and get on a plane to indianapolis. I arrive at 12:46. Oh my gosh I can't wait. i know this next week is going to go by so slow. then again maybe not. I work alot next week, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday and sunday. So hopefully it'll go by super fast, but like i said i doubt it. I'm too excited. Although i'm super nervous because i've never flown before, and i'm going alone! it'll be great though. I haven't seen him in 2 years and oh my gosh, I miss him. I can't wait to meet everyone down there. Kristen seems nice, marty, oh my. And i get to see nick again. ooooooof. I'm gettign giddy writing about it right now. anyways other than that there's nothing really new. I don't expect to update anytime until i get back. But when i do expect a HUGE post. |
Things are perfect just as they are
Sunday, July 02, 2006
my week and then some
so grad was last week. it was good acctually.i mean i'm super glad mike came with cus his drunkeness was too funny. and i think i woulda been miserable if he wouldn't have been there. thursday was commencement, i think it was probably the longest day of my life. I wanted to shoot myself. Hpwever on the ride home i called into the radio, played rapid fire and qualified to win a meet and greet with dashboard... holy shit would that be amazing. Then i went and bought a cell phone. Thats right, ask my for the number and we can be buddies. haha. Then after i came home connie and mom took me to the casino where i lost 5 dollars. it was a grand old time. I gotta say being 18 doesn't feel any different. Apparently i give the vibe to people that i hate them... it's kinda sad. on the other hand, there are some people i am fairly p-oed with right now for reasons. oh well I didnt get into it on my myspace journal but i will here. just cus i feel more able to vent on this page. i like it. I'm very sick of holding on to relationships and trying to be someone's friend when clearly it is pointless and my efforts are merely futile. Things are different and people have made it clear that because some things are different everything has to be different. we can't be friends. and still i keep trying. going to see certain people off at airports. when really it doesn't matter to them at all. then also going to meet them when they come back. sorry but that did absolutely nothing- except ended up allowing me to get pulled over because i pulled a red like (i got a warning) again we go back to NOT talking. and NOT being friends. there are so many words i'd like to say. Like how -if a certain incident that took place at a friend's house, took place now the same thing would not have happened. infact i could say this person being involved in what happened. I can see myself not being told what i had the right to know. And as much as yes it bothers me, and i'd love to go off on them, even though i know i'll never have my chance. I thinkall it does is prove my point. And I ope every last one of them realizes that 1) we're all going to the same place. Whether it be hell because i don't beleive in jesus and they're hiprocrates, or no where cus no such thing exists. 2) that they really are a cult. I'm sorry but it truely is an organized religion. no matter what way i try to look at it my mind keeps going back to how people organized this religion, andd people say that the book (bible) was inspired by god, i can't believe it. because man wrote it. they wanted people to believe what they said, and they got exactly what they wanted. They left stuff out and now because "the truth" has been around forever there's no possible way that anything else could have happened. I also despise how people try to quote bible versus to try and get me to believe. i'm sorry but don't even start. I used to believe it and i consider myself bible savey, i've read it. i know what it says, and i don't care. just because you chose to believe it, please don't force me to listen to your dribble. I have cleary shown that i don't give a shit. so back off. people don't care about other people. as much as they say they wannt to reach out, they don't they stick to their own group of fellow believers. and then if one leaves. they're out. it's like an amish colony or something. shunned if you're different, or rather have different believes. I can't stand it anymore. I've had enough. I'm done trying |
Sunday, June 04, 2006
A little bit more to think about
| So i've been thinking more and more and more wit my issues with christianity and christians in general. So my first thought is about the bible. People are CONSTANTLY saying how its been proven accurate and all that stuff. true. it has been proven historically correct. Jesus was a man, he lived, he died. sounds good. paul was a man, he lived he died. okay. Peter....you get the point. There's no arguing that, that's not at all what 'm trying to say.But it has NEVER been proven the jesus is the sonof man, that he rose. that's where the believes fall. and i'm sorry but i find it very harrd to buy into that. thhere is no possible way to prove your believes in the whole idea. And people need proof. And I'm sorry but saying you can "feel God is real" isn't proof. I'm sorry as far as i'm concerned, when i hear people say "i've seen his work" i want to add "when i was on crack." I'm sorry but even if it were true, do you ever think that christians take the bible FAR to literally. I mean i'm sorry but not everything in there is meant to be taken 100% literally. Not only that, but i think that some christians think that the bible was written by god and thrown down from the sky. It wasn't. as far as i'm concerned peter was using one of them lamps and the burning fumes made him think of the stuff he wrote. I think some of those people were on something, thats for sure. Now for the christians, I honestly cannot comprehend for the life of me how they/ you, can possibly have the nerve to tell someone that their believes, or lack their of, are wrong and not expect people to be offended or not think that they/you are not a bunch of narrow-minded, pig-headed morons. What makes your believes right and mine wrong? because you feel that they're right, cus some voice in your head, which by the way, that voice... not god...it's your brain, ythose thoughts have just been driven into your mind from the very moment someone was able to drill them in- tells you that it's right. well my brain, the voice in my head tells me otherwise... Yet i find it absolutely HALERIOUS how christians CONSTANTLY wine about how they get predjudice against or their sick of people saying that their believes are wrong.."because their not"...seems a little hiprocritical, don't you think? they apparently are sick of people thinking that all they wanna do is convert people.. i'm sorry, i hate to burst your bubble....well actually i'm not sorry, i'm quite happy to say this, but people think that.... because its true. thats what you make yourself out to be. that's my rant about christianity. lets here about my weekend shall we? well on friday, i had off, i went to get my car washed. so it's nice and clean. Then mike and me went to tracey's house... on our way there we drove past the car wash, mike wanted me to yell "jesus is overrated"lol i was tempted but i ididn't. i opened today and yesturday. and i'm soo sick. i feel like shit. oh well. hopefully this week goes well. only really 2 weeksof school left. holy crap, i need itto be over. I'm excited for grad. I'm so glad mike is coming with me because ithink i'd be miserable there otherwise. complete loner since i have no friends. well whatever. I'm tired. and sick. So i'm out |
Thursday, May 25, 2006
smoooooze
holy shit it's been along time since i've actually written anything in here.it's quite crazy.I've changed so much. i don'tthink i'm bitter anymore. I've realized i just don'tcare anyone. people have proven to me over and over again that they don't care and i don't matter to them, no matter how much they pretend otherwise. And i'm not dissapointede at all. its hard to be dissapointed when you never really had hope. as horrible as that sounds, why should i care. all people have done over and over have dissapointed me when i did have hope. so after awhile you just learn not to care. if you don't care,you can't get hurt.
I have fun doing things that i probably wouldn't go if i was still into that"scene" i mean i like how things are going for me right now. maybe one day i'llgo back, but right now i'm not seeing much. i sincerely doubt with all my heart and every morsil of my mind that when high school ends, that i willl ever see any of my "friends" again. i doubt i'll ever go to church, and since thats the case its quite evident that i won't receive a phone call from them, they've already proved that time and time again.$20 says they don't even remember my birthday. and whatever that's fine. it's too be expected.. all i gotta say is prove me wrong. i don't seeit happening.
i give myself more credit. i used to give god credit for things i've done... i'm sorry but what god spotted that a dog wasn't feeling well? um no? brent did, he told me and i took it to the vet. sorry. me. not god me. giving god credit for things he didn't do, that you did do, is confidence breaking. gosh take some credit for your good work, when you get a good job, say thanks. bask in your own glory fuck, if you deserve it, you deserve it. i've worked hard, and because of MY hard work i've got success.
yesturday at youth people talked about how they can get angry with god, and not understand why he didn't help someone,or he took someone away.. he dind't take or save anyone... that cancer patient lived beecause they got the medicine and their body reacted to it like it was spposed to...that person died in the car crash cus they ran the red light, or cus that person was a moron and drank and drove. it happens. people die and people live and life goes one. and we deal. you keep on trucking and you keep on living cus thats the way life works. i'm sorry
but people miss out on so much because they're praying or trying to be pleasing to some god that may or may not exist, when they could be having fun, frick go dance go have fun, go listen to some music that doesn't praise god, holy shit did i break you're little bubble?
now you little christians go ahead, tell me i'm going to hell, but you know what? i'll cya there cus you're all a bunch of hipprocrates. wheather it be lying, or swearing or whatever it may be.
I was watching tv and a preview for the omen came on, soi checked out the site and looked at it and it tlaked about the visas and microchips howthat'll be the sign of the beast and shit, and i'm sorry but i think people take that whole theory way to literally i don't think that if there is a rupture and revaltions that if theres a sign of the beast it'll be so literal.maybe it's a metaphorical sign ya know? i think people take way too much stuff in the bible literally... jeeze people! thats all for now. what a long one eh? welcome back lauren!
I have fun doing things that i probably wouldn't go if i was still into that"scene" i mean i like how things are going for me right now. maybe one day i'llgo back, but right now i'm not seeing much. i sincerely doubt with all my heart and every morsil of my mind that when high school ends, that i willl ever see any of my "friends" again. i doubt i'll ever go to church, and since thats the case its quite evident that i won't receive a phone call from them, they've already proved that time and time again.$20 says they don't even remember my birthday. and whatever that's fine. it's too be expected.. all i gotta say is prove me wrong. i don't seeit happening.
i give myself more credit. i used to give god credit for things i've done... i'm sorry but what god spotted that a dog wasn't feeling well? um no? brent did, he told me and i took it to the vet. sorry. me. not god me. giving god credit for things he didn't do, that you did do, is confidence breaking. gosh take some credit for your good work, when you get a good job, say thanks. bask in your own glory fuck, if you deserve it, you deserve it. i've worked hard, and because of MY hard work i've got success.
yesturday at youth people talked about how they can get angry with god, and not understand why he didn't help someone,or he took someone away.. he dind't take or save anyone... that cancer patient lived beecause they got the medicine and their body reacted to it like it was spposed to...that person died in the car crash cus they ran the red light, or cus that person was a moron and drank and drove. it happens. people die and people live and life goes one. and we deal. you keep on trucking and you keep on living cus thats the way life works. i'm sorry
but people miss out on so much because they're praying or trying to be pleasing to some god that may or may not exist, when they could be having fun, frick go dance go have fun, go listen to some music that doesn't praise god, holy shit did i break you're little bubble?
now you little christians go ahead, tell me i'm going to hell, but you know what? i'll cya there cus you're all a bunch of hipprocrates. wheather it be lying, or swearing or whatever it may be.
I was watching tv and a preview for the omen came on, soi checked out the site and looked at it and it tlaked about the visas and microchips howthat'll be the sign of the beast and shit, and i'm sorry but i think people take that whole theory way to literally i don't think that if there is a rupture and revaltions that if theres a sign of the beast it'll be so literal.maybe it's a metaphorical sign ya know? i think people take way too much stuff in the bible literally... jeeze people! thats all for now. what a long one eh? welcome back lauren!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
yup
shoppping
so tomorrow i'm going shopping with allison, super excited, i haven't gone shopping with her in so long.
Today i went to mcdonalds and visited becky at work and enjoyed a nice hamburger happy meal. Some little girls form the near by junior high llaughed at me for buying a happy meal, and i laughed at them cus they think i cared. besides i got a freaking toy, so screw them.
Things are certainly strange right now. I've had some comments made towards me that i did not appreciate AT ALL. and that was an experience that's forsure. I'm currently going out of my mind right now. i'm not sure what i believe in. as i've said a million times. I'm pretty much split. tonight at youth i sand the worship until the point where we sang my redeemer lives. I just couldn't sing the words " i know he's rescued my soul, his blood has covered my sin i believe.... i believe" i just couldn't bring myself to do it and i just started getting more and more confused.and the words pointed out to me hoow confused i am really. I don't like talking about things either especially when i feel like i can't talk to that person. yet i am going to talk to them, and i doubt it will do a damn thing.
well i think i'm officially screwed in the head. hur freaking rah
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