2 weeks down...

Well I'm back from my first two weeks at camp, and It went really well.
My first week was really fun. I counselled with Randi, she was really nice. We had some trouble with one girl in our cabin cus she had a.d.d. but other. than that it was a really good week.
The next week I did was in the barn. I swear pre juniors (grade 1-3) shoulld not be allowed to ride horses. For instance, us telling them how to get off the horse: " okay so lean forward..." what do they do? lean backwards, yeah, it was interesting. The week also seemed really long, cus othe first group of prejuniors left on wednesday and a whole other group came later that day, so it seemed like 2weeks in one.
There were lots of memorable parts though that i won't write down.
just because i'm too lazy.
but yeah i gotta go

WHAT THE .....

I'm so annnoyed at this point in my summer. I feel so bitter and angry and just really confused about stuff.
Next year I don't know if I want to go to Albright youth anymore. I'm really fed up with some people there and I feel like next year is just going to be really weird. I'm not sure where different friendships will be. They say it'll be close to the same, but really what will it be like?
Or for that matter do I want it to be the same. I'm noticing different things and I'm not sure if I like them or not. I'm really just seeing things and I'm not happy.

I think I really just want counselling to start. I think that if I am ministring to other kids it'll give me a chance to sort through my own things too.
I really just don't know how to think or feel, and I'm just upset and confused.
I kinda feel retarded
I'm sure that's all it is, my being retarded

fun week

Well last week was staff training, it was a really good week. Got to meet all the staff there, and got our staff shirts, they're brown and i like them, they're nice.
Tomorrow is supposed to be the canoe trip for me, but my mom called elizabeth and told her i wasn'tcomming cus she wasn't comfortable with my canoing with the water levels and speeds and stuff. I kinda understand, nothing i can do about it.
I worked tonight, it blew, but it wasn't that bad beause tyler was the closing manager, it's always a party with him.
friends get back tonight,i heard they didn't have a good time, i don'tknow if it's true. Andrea if you read this email me and tell me how the week went. I hope it was a good week. It was fun last year so i don't know why they wouldn't have fun this year.
went shopping yesturday it was good.slept in today, that was double good.

Pitty Party prt 2

Ha this is just a joyful time for me. I'm feeling terribly upset and it's completely pathetic. So feel free to point that out to me.

I'm just really upset due to the humor of other people. Have you ever had a friend where they're trying to be sooo funny but really all they're doing is being a jerk? Yeah thats one of my friends. And all they're doing is just making fun of me, not just me but everyone and it's really bothering me. And I know you should talk to a person when they're upset with them but I know exactly what this person will do. They'll say in this really whiney voice that just pisses me off so much " Oh my ZGosh I'm just kidding.." or when i do say something like shut up because you're pissing me off ( more polite than that of course) she says, again in that whiney voice " why are yougetting mad at me" MAYBE BECAUSE ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE AND PUSH YOU"RE POINT ON PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS FUCKING RIGHT......ONLY YOU'RE NOT!!! sorry about that, I don't normally swear like that but I'm truely pissed off.
There was this one time where our friend didn't invite us to a get together and I didnt get upset because I had talked to him about stuff and he told me straight out that " sometimes i can be a jerk" and so i took it as that, but then this girl just goes off about how we're really not friends and all this bull, and it's really like she was trying to make me feel like shit, and I really just wanted to say ( i apologize for this) Fuck off, then when i was trying to defend it I said " seriously why are you trying to put me down...." and in that whiney voice " why are you getting mad" BECAUSE YOU"RE PISSING ME OFF. I'd love to tell them that they're upsetting me, but i don't think that person would be able to grasp the fact that her words do hurt people. One of those people being me.