how can this be?

Yeha I've think I've completely given up. Tonight ahs just been a rollercoast and i don't care about it anymore. I don't think I trust a single person on this earth, and why should I with all the crap people feed you why should you trust anyone... we talked about it in world issues and really... even though we didn't really discuss it.... violence and evil is a part of us, no matter how hard anyone ever tries it's always going to be there. thats' hy the world won't get better until the end of it. at least in my opinion. People's nastyness is part ofwhat i think made me give up on God.. not the whole part, its not fair to blame my crappy relationship or lack there of, with God, on someone else.. it's really been a long time coming. i mean i don't know how to explain where i stand. i mean there's no way i could not believe in something, i just don't have a relationship with that something and ihave lost the fire to gain it back. So i don't know maybe i haven't given up on God rather than given up on having a relationship with him.I was expecting to feel more empty than this? maybe i just can't feel it yet. who knows.
If you don't believe in hell do you not go there? That was brought up when someone told a person in my class they were going to hell because theydidn't believe in God.. someone said " how can she go there if she doesn't believe in it"... so my question is if someone murders a person and doens't think it's wrong does that make it not wrong... no...so am i going to hell now? what's going on in my life?whats going to happen to me in the future? in eternity? these questions and more will be answered depending on some things.. i sent josh an email saying what was going on... well not really.. i don't expect him to email me back i even said he didn't have to if he didn't want to.... i don't know what will happen now later