Well not too much is new.
Friday night I had a birthday party i guess that was last night eh. anyways it was alright. I took the animals and it was at this little church off of plesis. It was for a bunch of 8 and 9 year old girls. It really takes me back to camp training when we went through the different age groups and they summarized each one. I know realize how accurate they are. Every time I'd ask if anyone had any questions a bunch of girls would raise their hands and then go off on some story. haha it was funny. It was good, I was really scared that i wouldn't be able to make it drag out to be and hour long, but with all the girls intrupting me it did. Not only that but it made me look really patient so i got many kudo's from the parents. I started the presentation 15 minutes early, which meant i got out of there 15 minutes early.
Then i booked it over to youth where i came to a very dark church. when i got in there there was a bunch of candles and they were doing their little kumbaya's and hallelujahs. needless to say that when i got there i had no idea what the hell was going on, so i didn't join in, not that i would've anyways. I really just shouldn't have bothered going at all. I really thought i was asked if i was going so i could do presentation, but it was all emoey accoustic and there was no need for presentation, therefore i don't really get it.... unless....
well nevermind, all i'm going to say is: a little late.
this morning i opened and i managed to haul ass and get a lot done. tomorrow i'm opening again, i fear i may not be so successful since i rarely ever have 2 good days in a row. who knows though, maybe i should be positive and everything will be good.
doctors appointment monday, report cards tuesday. i don't know what else to say other than that. I mean i could go off on some big rant about believes and the inner most thoughts that i don't get a chance to talk about. But i think i'll just save that for now, and forever.........................
on second thought , i changed my mind. I'm really fed up with christian ideas right now. First of all the idea of heaven is really out of grasp for me right now. i find it very difficult for myself to believe in. which leads to: if there is no heaven, then there's really no thing with the whole sin issue and therefore no one needs to bare it for me. does that make sense? yeah i think it does. don't get me wrong, i still think someone or something created the earth, the big bang, we all started from one cell, theory is way to crazy to be believed in, in my opinion at least, but right now, that theory and heaven are in the same boat.
However if there is a heaven, the idea that " non-christians" don't get to go there is pretty fucking ridiculous to me. i mean this loving God doesn't love someone enough to allow them eternal happiness despite some flaws? i'm sorry that seems alittle stupid to me, i understand God's perfect and everything but holy crap lets jsut shut out everyone that doesn't believe in jesus..... Let me just put this scenario in your head, someone in my family, lets just say my immediate family and someone who doens't believe in this stuff at all, my brother for instance, dies. I'd be freaking upset crying an i'd most likely want some form of comfort. If you're a christian you're going to tell me that because he wasn't a christian that he's not in heaven? instead he's in hell? what the fuck is that? will somebody please tell me, why that is? that becausehe doesn't beleve in that he's going to burn. you think that gives me comfort? you think that the idea of someone burning in hell is a good one? do you think a LOVING God would allow that?
these are my current thoughts on things, maybe somehow i'll have them changed, i mean there is still a part of me that wants to beleive in it again, and those thoughts are oddly out of place. but those are the thoughts that are leading right now..... maybe i'm possesed.....BOOGA BOOGA
as for my "a little late" comment.
when i first started losing my faith in this stuff, i emailed the one person that i thought would say something and make an attempt to talk to me. however, there was no reply, no acknowledgement that they received that message when i know they did because i didn't getone of those postmaster messages.
Then on wednesday, that person suddenly decides to ask me if i'm coming on friday, for what i thought would be to do powerpoint, which as i previously mentioned, it wasn't. The only thing i could think of that the person thought this night would help me, and that by asking me if i was coming i'd be all gung-ho. well i'm sorry but after however many months it's been since that email was sent, you're a little fucking late and you're gonna have to do a little more than ask me if i'm coming.
you know what i went off on my rant and now i'm pissed off. thank you very much. whatever i'm out
