Well, last week at work I was holding a cat and it tried to jump out of my hands, and it completely scratched my hand (bearing blood),and I had large cuts on my arm because of it. Looking down at those cuts remind me of the place I was in last near, and for some reason my mind told me I missed it, that those cuts looked so welcoming and calming that I should do that again. Then my mind raced through ways to think of how it'd be easy to hide with my medic alert bracelet or something. And it scares me because I don't want to go back to that place, of fear, and feeling so lost that I can't turn anywhere else besides hurting myself. I don't feel like that, but for some reason the only thing my mind can seem to bring up is that it misses that feeling.
If it keeps it up I'm going to have to talk to someone.
I fear the thoughts my mind thinks.
It is my own worst enemy.
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