March 30 email

"Hey Lauren,
I know we haven't talked much lately but don't get the wrong impression. I don't hate you and i still want to talk to you. I just don't have the capacity to carry on a long distance relationship. I'm still your friend though and i hope i can still make the trek to Winnipeg this summer. I just hope you're not hurt or sad. That's another reason why guys don't tell girls things sometimes. they don't want to hurt the ones they care for. And i care about you. I still want to be able to talk to you. "

He sent me that march 30. It say he doesn't the capacity to do a long distance relationship, meanwhile it should have said that he has a girlfriend as of now and will be with herfor the next 5 months. Then he probably should have added how he wouldn't talk to me pretty much all summer, then on friday August 26, he'd come online, act as if it were old times, and buy a webcam to talk to me, and still not mention the fact that for the last 5 months he had a fricking girlfriend. Man This just... wow.

Last night i had a dream about it too. so weird, i've never had a dream, that actually had something to do with what i was thinking about before bed, before. And it just makes me upset all over it. I finally accepted that a long distance thing could never be, but I just don't like this and it makes it hard for me to grasp again. How could he say that he cares about me, then do that. I don't understand it. I'm just hurt and confused and I can't believe it.\I find it suspicious that he bought a webcam to talk to me. Like i'm a home wrecker or something.Yeah I do have feeling for him still. I probably always will, and i probably will always hope that something will change. Maybe he does still have feeling for me,i doubt it though. i don't know, i don't know what to think. I just wish i could see him and talk to him. I'm so confused.