Well although Robbie and chelsea remembered and were quite kind to me, many other of my friends, did not pay any attention to the so called important day, making it completely shitty.
This was a retarded day.
I went to montanas and was quite misserable all day.
people can all bite me.
Thank goodness I leave sunday
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
wow
Today is my birthday and robbie remembered. wow. It seriously just made my day just wonderful. also chelsea a girl i haven't talked to in about 2 years wished me a happy birthday, that was kinda cool.
tonight is synrgy, should be fun, then thats about it.
tonight is synrgy, should be fun, then thats about it.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
"Where's Andrea!?"
Yesturday was pretty awesome. Me, andrea, leanne, caitlin, and rae all went galavanting in caitlins car, first we went on by to portage where leanne was caught but the guy from her internship, what are the freaking odds of that, and then we headed all the way back to kp for some shopping. I didn't buy a cowboy hat, what can I say, 25 bucks is a little too expensive and i'm a little too cheap.
After that we went our seperate ways and saw eachother later at the potluck dinner. My parents came so i got to listen to my dad brag about his stupid mail man hats to mrs bobrowski, he just went on and on.... i love him:>
Then we watched a slide show of all the youth grow up, some of those pictures... i'll tell you, awesome.. they forgot poor andrea, well josh did what a dip.... Then they gave this present to all the youth with a card and everything, it was all rather touching yada yada yada. hah
Then the limo picked up the grade 12's.. LUCKY!!! and they chilled in the limo for an hour. And then we all met up at wills house for an awesome party. At first it really started out slow and consisted of us watching episodes on sponge bob but then many things ended up happening. Such as spinning as fast as possible in a computer chair and then trying to run... so funny Becky fell down the stairs. Later on in the night will tried and seriously he was going so fast that all you could see was this blur of green.He decided that since people hadto hold the chair inside, if they went outside in the grass the chair could dig into the ground and it'd be much more fun... so we took the chair outside, will started to spin, faster, faster, then since no one was holding the chair, plop, will fall down go boom. Poor guy actually hit the ground so hard that he broke his shoulder blade.... right before summer too. harsh. Hopefully it'll heal quickly and it won't be too much of a damper on will's summer. Josh didn't even show up. You'd think he'd come for a fairwell... wht a dip
Its crazy to think that camp is only a week away. well training at atleast, it seems like yesturday that i sent in my application and went for my interview, which i got lost for by the way. I really just can't wait for this summer.Today I'm going there for the day actually for some training in the barn, there after I will be going straight to work, I'll have a good sleep tonight thats for darned sure.
SCHOOL IS OVER< I"M FREE HALLELUJAH!!
After that we went our seperate ways and saw eachother later at the potluck dinner. My parents came so i got to listen to my dad brag about his stupid mail man hats to mrs bobrowski, he just went on and on.... i love him:>
Then we watched a slide show of all the youth grow up, some of those pictures... i'll tell you, awesome.. they forgot poor andrea, well josh did what a dip.... Then they gave this present to all the youth with a card and everything, it was all rather touching yada yada yada. hah
Then the limo picked up the grade 12's.. LUCKY!!! and they chilled in the limo for an hour. And then we all met up at wills house for an awesome party. At first it really started out slow and consisted of us watching episodes on sponge bob but then many things ended up happening. Such as spinning as fast as possible in a computer chair and then trying to run... so funny Becky fell down the stairs. Later on in the night will tried and seriously he was going so fast that all you could see was this blur of green.He decided that since people hadto hold the chair inside, if they went outside in the grass the chair could dig into the ground and it'd be much more fun... so we took the chair outside, will started to spin, faster, faster, then since no one was holding the chair, plop, will fall down go boom. Poor guy actually hit the ground so hard that he broke his shoulder blade.... right before summer too. harsh. Hopefully it'll heal quickly and it won't be too much of a damper on will's summer. Josh didn't even show up. You'd think he'd come for a fairwell... wht a dip
Its crazy to think that camp is only a week away. well training at atleast, it seems like yesturday that i sent in my application and went for my interview, which i got lost for by the way. I really just can't wait for this summer.Today I'm going there for the day actually for some training in the barn, there after I will be going straight to work, I'll have a good sleep tonight thats for darned sure.
SCHOOL IS OVER< I"M FREE HALLELUJAH!!
Saturday, June 18, 2005
my heart will go on....
Well i'm completely stressed, not about exams or anything, but whatever, i'd rather actually not type about it.
as i have said many times, I am so ready just to get the heck out of here. I'm just sick of so many things right now. People. I hate when people analyze things and it's kind of like " how the hell do you know?" ugh I guess I probably need to go into details, but i'm really to tired and lazy to do it.
I got an email from robbie, guess he hasn't forgot about me quite yet. we'll just see if he remembers my birthday. hmm... it's in 10 days... well 10 days tomorrow.
I wish it was last summer again. there's lots of things I wish I could relive-redo. There's people Iwoulda reached out to more, maybe I coulda gotten more out of the summer.
I'm using that kind of basic idea for my devotions this summer. I have to lead a devotions at least once during the week. I'm there for 2.....hense 2 devotions. For one of them I'm thinking about doing it on seeing God in everything, or taking about those moments where he seems so far away or so close... it's hard o explain but hopefully it worked. I'm kinda scared about leading devotions. Mainly cus last year I was one of the devotions leaders on this missions trip and the devo's in the book weren'tall that great in my opinion, so i tried to make it better, but my idea completely bombed. what can I say, guess I'm just not that great at it.
well tomorrow I work, then I must study.
Two exams on monday. We'll just see how that goes.
as i have said many times, I am so ready just to get the heck out of here. I'm just sick of so many things right now. People. I hate when people analyze things and it's kind of like " how the hell do you know?" ugh I guess I probably need to go into details, but i'm really to tired and lazy to do it.
I got an email from robbie, guess he hasn't forgot about me quite yet. we'll just see if he remembers my birthday. hmm... it's in 10 days... well 10 days tomorrow.
I wish it was last summer again. there's lots of things I wish I could relive-redo. There's people Iwoulda reached out to more, maybe I coulda gotten more out of the summer.
I'm using that kind of basic idea for my devotions this summer. I have to lead a devotions at least once during the week. I'm there for 2.....hense 2 devotions. For one of them I'm thinking about doing it on seeing God in everything, or taking about those moments where he seems so far away or so close... it's hard o explain but hopefully it worked. I'm kinda scared about leading devotions. Mainly cus last year I was one of the devotions leaders on this missions trip and the devo's in the book weren'tall that great in my opinion, so i tried to make it better, but my idea completely bombed. what can I say, guess I'm just not that great at it.
well tomorrow I work, then I must study.
Two exams on monday. We'll just see how that goes.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
not sure how much more
This week has been long. On tuesday I picked up dogs from the vet and met a nice creepy what i think what a homeless man. Last night I took the puppy home that was sick. I got a total of three hours of sleep last night. So I only went to first period then came home and slept til too. I was supposed to be studying for my physics exam tomorrow.. I didn't do much.
My parents went for a drive in the fire bird,there were supposed to take an hour, they've been gone two.
I want this to be over wth. I just don't feel like waking up in the morning at all.
This is bunk
My parents went for a drive in the fire bird,there were supposed to take an hour, they've been gone two.
I want this to be over wth. I just don't feel like waking up in the morning at all.
This is bunk
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Feeling Kinda lonely
Well It's tuesday today, I'm working tonight, not really a big surprise there. School ends thursday, well i mean regular classes. Then exams start friday. It shouldn't be too difficult. I can't believe it's over. Monday is my last exam so i pretty much have like 2 weeks of doing nothing before I leave for camp.
I'm so corny. I can't believe how incredibly much I miss robbie right now. I mean you'd think that me missing him so much would motivate me to get off my ass and actually call him. But I expect him to have completely forgotten about me, well not forgotten about me but the feelings " he had" for me. Yet this little gleam of hope, this stupid scenerio I keep playing in my head is of me calling him on Sunday, him not being home, but because he's actually on his way to see me. Then I think YEAH RIGHT. I really ought to stop thinking like that, it'll just lead to more dissapointment.
It's so funny how it feels like it was so long ago, yet it seems like it was yesturday? is that even possible to occur at the same time? Am I just completely messed up in my head? Its quite possible.
Wow, I don't know what to say about anything.
I'm out of here
I'm so corny. I can't believe how incredibly much I miss robbie right now. I mean you'd think that me missing him so much would motivate me to get off my ass and actually call him. But I expect him to have completely forgotten about me, well not forgotten about me but the feelings " he had" for me. Yet this little gleam of hope, this stupid scenerio I keep playing in my head is of me calling him on Sunday, him not being home, but because he's actually on his way to see me. Then I think YEAH RIGHT. I really ought to stop thinking like that, it'll just lead to more dissapointment.
It's so funny how it feels like it was so long ago, yet it seems like it was yesturday? is that even possible to occur at the same time? Am I just completely messed up in my head? Its quite possible.
Wow, I don't know what to say about anything.
I'm out of here
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Anxiety grips its hands around my neck
Well My mind is just going crazy right now. I'm probably going to have a long over due anxiety attack soon. Today is thursday the 9th. Tomorrow is June 10. friday. I have an essay due on Monday that i haven't started yet, then my exams start on friday. I have on on the friday, then2 the next monday then I'm done. I can't believe the year is over. I can't believe I'm in grade 11 and next year is my next year of high school. It just seems so strange to me and I feel so lost. It feels like there's this merry go round and theres this hole in the middle of it and I'm standing it. everything is just zooming by so fast and I can't jump on. I can't seem to fix that either.
Maybe it has to do with the situation with my friends. One of them seems to have different favorites that they focus on and make the others feel left out. I don't know what to do with that because it's impossible to talk to them about it.
I'm not really knowing what to expect what is going to happen this summer. With camp. with certain people going to counsell. It's just going to be a very weird situation that is going to be interesting to see how the whole thing pans out. I might be working on the days that I'm home from camp too. I went into work last night after Synrgy to drop a key off for mike. Lori was closing so I took it as a chance to talk to her and make sure it was cool with her because I left a schedual with Natalie who told me that Lori had actually seen it. But turns out that Natalie might have lied to me because when I went to talk to Lori about it, she said she had not seen it and it was on the bottom of a pile of papers on her desk. I'm just mad because it could have put me in a REALLY bad situation if I hadn't gone to talk to her and she never saw it before the time had come for me to leave. Not good at all. Its all worked out though so I'm thankful that I thought to go talk to her.
I really really really miss Robbie. It feels like forever since I've talked to him, yet it feels lke just yesturdya that I got home from the missions trip where I met him. Oy I doubt that makes any sense.
I feel so woa is me. My birthday is in 20 days but i don't feel loved enough to think that Robbie, or any of my friends besides my family will remember. oh I'm pathetic.
Oh well I'm off to get ready for work
Maybe it has to do with the situation with my friends. One of them seems to have different favorites that they focus on and make the others feel left out. I don't know what to do with that because it's impossible to talk to them about it.
I'm not really knowing what to expect what is going to happen this summer. With camp. with certain people going to counsell. It's just going to be a very weird situation that is going to be interesting to see how the whole thing pans out. I might be working on the days that I'm home from camp too. I went into work last night after Synrgy to drop a key off for mike. Lori was closing so I took it as a chance to talk to her and make sure it was cool with her because I left a schedual with Natalie who told me that Lori had actually seen it. But turns out that Natalie might have lied to me because when I went to talk to Lori about it, she said she had not seen it and it was on the bottom of a pile of papers on her desk. I'm just mad because it could have put me in a REALLY bad situation if I hadn't gone to talk to her and she never saw it before the time had come for me to leave. Not good at all. Its all worked out though so I'm thankful that I thought to go talk to her.
I really really really miss Robbie. It feels like forever since I've talked to him, yet it feels lke just yesturdya that I got home from the missions trip where I met him. Oy I doubt that makes any sense.
I feel so woa is me. My birthday is in 20 days but i don't feel loved enough to think that Robbie, or any of my friends besides my family will remember. oh I'm pathetic.
Oh well I'm off to get ready for work
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
A little overwhelming
Well it's getting closer and closer to school ending and I really cannot wait until it's over. Exams start next week and then I'm done the NEXT Monday. I'm pretty much ready just for the summer to come and for me to get the heck out of here. In my last post I mentioned how I felt kind of left out right, so I feel kinda stupid for saying this, but I'd rather not hang out with them rather than feel left out when I'm around them, so I've kind of just been seperating myself. I'm not sure what I am thinking right now. Kinda all stupid for the time being, but like I said, I think I'm really just ready to get away.
Camp is getting really close, they've been sending me all the reading packages, there's a lot there and it's kind of overwhelming. I'm getting really nervous, but of course I'm still really excited.
Me and my mom went out last night and bought a new back pack ( for the canoe trip) and an alarm clock for when I'm in a cabin. There's still some stuff I'm going to get before the trip ( a new bible ( the kind with the devotions in side and such) and a new flashlight and maybe other stuff, don't know what exactly)
Tomorrow I am going to Rae's before SynRgy and it shall be a good time.
Thats about now for now
keep it real
Lauren
Camp is getting really close, they've been sending me all the reading packages, there's a lot there and it's kind of overwhelming. I'm getting really nervous, but of course I'm still really excited.
Me and my mom went out last night and bought a new back pack ( for the canoe trip) and an alarm clock for when I'm in a cabin. There's still some stuff I'm going to get before the trip ( a new bible ( the kind with the devotions in side and such) and a new flashlight and maybe other stuff, don't know what exactly)
Tomorrow I am going to Rae's before SynRgy and it shall be a good time.
Thats about now for now
keep it real
Lauren
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Going to have a pity party
I'm just inthe worst moods right now and I'm not liking it. So beware if you don't like pity parties don't read on because this is pretty much gonna be a " woa is me" entry.
This week I have felt so left out amoung my friends.
Don't get me wrong, last night at synrgy was amazing. It was really a night of healing for our youth group. I managed to fix many relationships with people and It made me feel really great.
But returning to school the next day just felt incredibly left out.
All this week I have. I reallydon't like that feeling.
During Yc they had this big surprise party for meghan and kayla, and really I'd love one of those, but I know I'd never get one from my friends, and it kinda hurts. This is so pathetic, oh my goodness shoot me now. ( this is in no way telling anyone to throw a suprise party because no one from youth/ school has the link to this blog and do not read it) but anyways. I don't feel loved right now and instead any feeling of love that I should feel right now is being covered with a major feeling of envy, sadness, depression, hurt, and being lost. I shouldn't feel that way though, because deep down I know my friends love me right? Wait.... I don't really feel that right now... And it makes me so scared because I don't feel like I have anyone to rely on. I really need to be praying about this I guess.
I thought last night had answered my question about whether or not to return to youth next year, and it did answer somethings but this feeling of loneliness really does not help the situation.
This week I have felt so left out amoung my friends.
Don't get me wrong, last night at synrgy was amazing. It was really a night of healing for our youth group. I managed to fix many relationships with people and It made me feel really great.
But returning to school the next day just felt incredibly left out.
All this week I have. I reallydon't like that feeling.
During Yc they had this big surprise party for meghan and kayla, and really I'd love one of those, but I know I'd never get one from my friends, and it kinda hurts. This is so pathetic, oh my goodness shoot me now. ( this is in no way telling anyone to throw a suprise party because no one from youth/ school has the link to this blog and do not read it) but anyways. I don't feel loved right now and instead any feeling of love that I should feel right now is being covered with a major feeling of envy, sadness, depression, hurt, and being lost. I shouldn't feel that way though, because deep down I know my friends love me right? Wait.... I don't really feel that right now... And it makes me so scared because I don't feel like I have anyone to rely on. I really need to be praying about this I guess.
I thought last night had answered my question about whether or not to return to youth next year, and it did answer somethings but this feeling of loneliness really does not help the situation.
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