Schooooool is done

So the last week was absolute crap!
So we did our presentation on monday, it sucked. one of the members of our group sat there and spoke in this none enthusiastic voice. Then when the teacherwent to talk to us about it she stormed out of the room and screamed the f bomb and punched the wall. It was pretty ridiculous!!!! Then we didn't talk to that person for pretty much the whole week.
Then pretty much everyone else in our class is being a biz too so it was so just a grumpy vibe all the way.
Although i had 4 tests, 1 thursday and 3 on friday, and i'm pretty sure i did well on all of them. which is pretty exciting.

thats pretty much is
we'll see how christmas goes

i don't care..and i feel so refereshed

well yesterday was a downfall for me. i felt like pooh! good news i feel way better now.
After the church service, even though the topic had nothing to do with stuff that i was feeling bumbed about, i felt very relieved and peaceful! I know that God will take care of this thing with nick and when he does I will be very thankful for whatever his plan is.
Plus my laptop is working! yahoo!! thank you Jesus! there's no way i could afford to fix it if it didn't work.
I'm still praying for that job so here's my prayer for today.

Dear God,
Thank you sooo soo so much for all the blessings you have given me, Lord God, and I think you that you're a part of my life. God, I just pray that you help me with the things I'm still struggling with, swearing, using you name in vain, gossiping, lying, and so much more Lord, I pray for your forgiveness in that area and I pray that you give me the strength to turn away. Lord, I also pray that you help with love others. I'm so terrible and showing love towards people when I first meet people... I often dislike people until they give me a reason to like them Lord, and I don't want it to be like that. God, I want to love them at first chance, God.
God I just pray now as well for this situation at the school, Lord, I just want that job so much, and God, they've made it clear that they want me there too. God, I just pray that it doesn't change and that they don't go back on what they said, and they my hopes aren't shot down, Lord. Please, God, just place me in that school permanently.
God I want to lift up the church. Lord, as we just elected new elders I pray that they seek you and that you steer the church through them Lord, and that we as a congregation can encourage and support them. Lord, I just pray you be with them in all their decisions.
God, I pray for Josh, Kiel, Erin and Mel as they travel home Lord God. I pray that you protect them and keep them safe on their road Lord God. And that you just continue to be in the hearts and minds as they return home to share new and exiting things with our youth, Lord, I pray for the youth. God I pray for you just to reveal yourself in huge ways Lord. Lord open these youth's eyes to you like they've never seen before Lord God. And Lord just open their hearts so they they can be closer to you God. God I just thank you so much again for the blessings that you've given Lord. You have given so much Lord. And as you continue to show yourself God, I just pray that I don't get caught up with pointless things God and that I am able to stay thankful and continue to praise and worship you for your Goodness and love.
Amen

why is it?

tell me why is it that you can be on the highest mountain one minute and on the deepest valley the next? it's really bazarre.
For instance, my mountain:
I was so thrilled and estatic to find out there is a very large possiblity that I'll be able to work at the school I'm doing practicum at because it seems that they really like me and the resource teacher pretty much flat out told me that she wants me there next year to take the place of a girl that's going to be going to grad school next year. So that was extremely joyful.
Now my valley:
after everything seemed fine, me and my friend are finally on the outs completely after their pyscho girl friend lied and said I did something I didn't do. So now I'm blocked and she's got full control!
Now only that but I feel like total crap and a useless lump whenever I go to youth now. I don't feel like I make any sort of difference there anymore. AND to top it all off my Laptop is completely bunking out!
and yet i feel terrible cus I feel like I'm only focussing in on the bad stuff!
lets go back to my mountain!
I'm extremely thankful for the blessing I've been giving to have the opportunity to work at this school and for the fact that i've heard that they want to keep me!
I'm just praying that i don't have my hopes suddenly snubbed down... I will be heart broken!
Who knows what this week will bring. I'm praying that I don't have a mental breakdown!

That was Then and this is now

So is it cliche to name a particular post after the name of you're entire blog? I hope not because the title suits this particular post very well... atleast what i have planned for it in my head.
So I've been reading all my past posts and I have to tell you that, if I had a time machine, I would god back and punch myself in the face.
I can't believe how bitter and angry and how easy I gave up on things. I didn't have answers to questions, so according to past me God can't exist, that because people don't keep in touch that things are horrible and I should hate them for it. All ridiculous things that I wish I never wrote.
Now when I think about things I realize that friendship is a two party action. I know that God does not always provide answers as to why some things are certain ways, but at the same time I know that he is good and that one day I will have the answers that I was always looking for, I probably won't care because I'll be far too happy in heaven.. but I will be knowing. I have utter confident that my God loves me and his spirit is a part of me. No matter how tried to get away back then, my faith was always a part of me, no matter what happens, once you have God he will keep knocking at your door. He never let go of me, I tried to let go off him, but he held on with a pinky and once the momentum was ready, he scooped me back, and I cannot be more thankful.
Even though I am so very dissapointed at the way I treated others and tried to abandon him, I am however thankful that I can use that experience to witness and show people that we're not perfect that we are human and we do stumble.
I am very excited for things are explicit truth right now. I really think God will use our leadership and our students to do big things. And I'm even more excited that in our leaders meeting we acknowledged the fact that we shouldn't be put on a pedastile and that we should be truthful and honest and show them that we have struggles and that we're working on our faith just as much as they are working on theirs, and that makes me even happier because I don't want to pretend I'm perfect nor do I want the kids to think that I am.
I was even able to share a story of my grade 10 horrible year with a girl. Even being able to use something like that to minister is just amazing. God is Good all the time. and All the time God is good!

Tomorrow is week 2 of practicum... we'll see how that goes.

It's been a long time... shouldn't have left you, without a dope blog to step to..

Well campers, it's been over a year since I've last took time to sit down and write in the thing that the internet literate call the blog. Since then so much has happened in my life I can't even begin to write it all. But I think I will try.
In the summer of 2006 I felt a calling back to Albright church and the explicit truth student ministries. They welcomed me back as a SPit. I then began to slowly gain my relationship with my God back.
I took the 2006-07 school year off and worked at Petland full time as head kennel tech and it worked out well until about February until I decided that the class window in kennel four had to die. I then kicked it in and tried to quit my job while my boss was out of town. When she came back she decided to ask me to stay as the stock manager and I did take it and worked there again full time. Until about June, when i quit and took a job with Telus mobility to sell cell phones...that lasted all of three days and I was then unemployed. Luckily I was then offered a job at Petland Main street.......that didn't exactly work out well as I quit there by the beginning of August... which I then begged for my job at crossroads back. I am currently working there on weekends while I go to school...
There is another big change that I never saw coming. After a puppy at work had a large cut on his leg and I had to witness surgery and stitching on that leg..I realized that I had a very week stomach for the sight and smell of a bleeding wound. Upon that realization another hit.... I definitely should not be a nurse. I decided to drop out of the Joint Baccalaureate Nursing program at Red River College. So what then to do.. I truly had no idea.. in rolls Becky to save the day and tell me that she's taking the Para-Education Program at Red River....why not I'll give er a try...best decision I have ever made...not only do I get to hang out with my two friends, Becky and Andrea, every day, but I am also truly enjoying the program and all it had brought my so far; including several opportunities to share my faith with other people. I have never done as well in school as I am right now.
I am also a sponsor once again this year at youth. Once again I am truly enjoying it. Not only do I get to spend my Wednesday and Friday nights with the most amazing youth in the entire world, and work with the most amazing team of leaders in the entire world, but I am also so very thankful that I'm building my faith up more and more everyday.
One October 19-21 we had our yearly fall retreat at echo lake bible camp. On the way back, while about 10 minutes out side of Brandon, three of our seven cars got into a a fairly serious accident, which resulted in seven of our youth going to the hospital. However, non of the injuries were serious and all were able to go home that night. Looking at the cars though, I can honestly say that if you weren't aware of what took place, you would think someone had died. I am very thankful to God that no one was injured and for all the several blessings that have come out of it. For the first time of my five years at the youth group, we don't have the problem we always had with cliques. Everyone just loves and accepts everyone now, the way it should have been. Students are diving deeper and deeper into their faith. We have students who are picking up their bibles to read it for the first time in long time if not the first time in general, and we have students who are interested in being baptized! It is very exciting to be apart of the church right now and I can see God working in big ways and I can see him continuing to do big things in the future!
However after a somewhat discouraging night on Friday, I find myself asking myself whether or not I actually make a difference in these kid's lives and I have wondered for the last five days whether or not I should continue in this ministry. I love the youth there with all m heart, but to be completely honest I feel very discouraged.

So I beg of my God, light my fire up and help me feel encouraged, whether it be through encouragement through friends or whether you help me realize some how that I am needed and I am being used. God, help me to be a positive role model for these kids and turn away from the things that I keep falling into. Help me keep my sadness under control, God, I can only do this through you.

Now I must go to sleep or else I may pass out. The next few weeks are going to be tiring and strenuous on my body and I'm praying that I am able to get through it with no/as little grumpiness as possible.